Ouran High School Ghost Club
by Finite Sledgehammer
Summary: It's Bleach, it's Ouran, it's wacky! When Ouran High is infested with ghosts, who you gonna call? Ghost Bu I mean, your friendly neighborhood shinigami of course! Rated for language.
1. Death and the Host Club

**Ouran High Ghost Club**

Kim 'Sparticus' Huerta

DISCLAIMER: _Bleach_ belongs to Kubo Tite, _Ouran High School Host Club_ belongs to Bisco Hatori. I like pie.

A/N: Did you know that early in the Bleach manga (during the Don Kanonoji incident, I believe), Keigo and Mizurio whip out a very Host Club–esque scene to try to attract the attention of a couple of girls? They do! It's hilarious! It gave me ideas. Bad ones. This fic has meshed a few of them together in a twisted conglomerate of Lovecraftian proportions. Well, maybe just towards the end there. ;)

The only Japanese I use in this are the honorifics (at least the ones I'm fairly certain I'm using right…), the various Bleachy terms (kidou, konsou, zanpakutou… etc…), "Oi" (which means "hey") and "aa" (which means yeah) – and I only use "aa" because I have a hard time imagining Mori saying "yeah". Mori just isn't that wordy. XD

Post Soul Society, pre Arrankar arc, vaguely sauntering towords IchigoxRukia. No major Ouran spoilers that I can think of.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Death and the Host Club**

It was a rare slow day. It _was_ exam time, although, in her experience, this didn't much deter the regulars from joining the Host Club for afternoon tea. Haruhi flipped to the next page in her book as she swept her large, brown eyes around the nearly empty music room. Kaoru and Hikaru were playing video games on one of the couches, Hunny and Mori were eating cake – well, Hunny was eating cake, Mori seemed to be dozing – and Kyoya was typing away on his laptop, cooking up his next evil scheme, most likely. Tamaki had disappeared off to the bathroom a little while ago. He'd been gone for a while, he'd probably gotten side tracked. Tamakis absence seemed to be the indicator of how slow things had been lately; normally he wouldn't be distracted for long.

Haruhi went back to her book. Tamakis absence meant she'd be able to get more homework done. Unfortunately…

"Where do you think our lord has gotten off to?" Kaoru poked his head over the couch.

Haruhi made the mistake of glancing up. Both twins were peeking over the back of the couch, only their eyes and hair were visible. They looked bored. Not good…

Haruhi blinked. "Why're you asking me?"

They shrugged, answered simultaneously; "We saw you first."

Haruhi sighed and attempted to keep reading. The twins thought of her as a toy (well… not so much anymore, she'd noted) making her their second favorite target – Tamaki was their favorite, of course.

Luckily, for the twins purposes, Tamaki burst in just then, out of breath and looking like Bereznoff had just popped out of his book bag. Unluckily, Haruhi's homework was as good as dead until she went home later.

"GHOST!" He yelped, slamming the door behind him and locking it. He leaned against the pink wood and doubled over, hands resting on his knees as he attempted to catch his breath. Haruhi could see him shaking from here. Tamaki was prone to odd bouts of delusion so no one moved at first.

Haruhi frowned as she noted his overall appearance; even when Tamaki was off on one of his tangents, or sulking in his corner, he was immaculate (well, sometimes he mussed up his hair for effect) but at the moment, he looked downright disheveled. His shirt was untucked, his tie was nowhere to be seen, his blazer was on inside out and his knuckles were white. In fact, beyond the blush brought on from running, he was kind of pale. Great, Nekozawa _had_ been messing with him again…

Sighing, Haruhi pushed her chair back from the table and stood up, then padded over to him. Crouching down, she cocked her head to the side to see around his bangs. "What is it this time?"

She braced herself for a hug that never came. Tamaki just straightened up a bit to slide down to the floor with his back against the door. He sat with his knees drawn up to his chest in a variant of his Corner of Woe. Haruhi found herself a little afraid. Normally he would have glomped her over showing some kind of concern. He was looking at her but he wasn't seeing her, his blue eyes stared off in to some nightmare. The rest of the club picked up on this immediately and, almost without a sound, the rest of the boys gathered around.

"My lord...?" Kaoru threw a startled glance at Haruhi. Even Nekozawa didn't get this kind of response from Tamaki – it was more of a spastic thing.

"There… there was a ghost in the hall by the bathroom." Tamaki said, his voice dropping to a terrified whimper.

They stared for a minute. He was clearly terrified but, come on, a ghost? The twins exchanged glances then shrugged. Apparently, this wasn't their doing.

"Do you think Nekozawa has something to do with it?" Hikaru asked. If it wasn't the twins, it was the president of the Black Magic Club. He also enjoyed torturing Tamaki.

Tamaki bit his lip and shook his head. "No, no! This was a real ghost. I'm sure of it!"

"How can you be sure Tama-chan?" Hunny asked, making a pouty face.

Tamaki was silent for a moment, he didn't look up immediately but when he did, the look on his face sent a chill down Haruhi's spine. Even so, she half expected him to say _I see dead people_.

"It's not so bad here… but back in France sometimes I saw things…" Tamaki absently rubbed one arm as he shifted his gaze to the side.

"Dead people?" The twins said in unison.

Tamaki winced.

Everyone groaned and relaxed. They'd unknowingly been leaning foreword in excitement.

He sighed and ran a hand back through his blonde hair. "I know, it sounds stupid but… I know what I see, okay. And it really freaks me out!" _Now_ came the glomp.

Haruhi yelped as Tamaki lifted her off the ground. "Stay with Daddy, Haruhi! He needs your level headedness to keep him…"

Haruhi was in the process of breaking free (Hunny had shown her how to break out of holds and such after an incident with a Popsicle) when Tamaki abruptly froze. He was literally cold. He set her down slowly but didn't take his hands off of her. They were shaking.

Haruhi half turned and stared around the room, as did the rest of the host club. Nothing was there, but clearly Tamaki was seeing something.

"This is starting to weird me out a little." Kyoya muttered, staring very closely at Tamaki.

The host club started to shuffle away from the door, as Tamaki backed away, relinquishing his hold on Haruhi. Tamaki was kind of protective by nature but whatever he was seeing seemed to have overridden that instinct. Haruhi edged away, glancing back and forth between Tamaki and the spot that seemed to be scaring him so. And still nothing was there…

* * *

Tamaki knew he was an idiot. Not in the book sense, he was pretty smart when it came to odd trivia and such that people seem to think has something to do with intelligence. He did and said dumb things on a regular basis, he spazzed out, and he was pretty easy to play pranks on, but he didn't mind. It was fun, really. But now was one of those times that he wished he had just a little more sense. Just a little more credibility. Oh, how he wished they believed him. 

As ghosts go it wasn't scary, she looked like she was maybe twelve or thirteen, wearing a uniform that Ouran used eons ago. She wasn't bloody like the ghosts he'd seen before, wasn't mutilated in some way. She just had a chain attached to her chest. It had only three or four links left on it. She looked a little scared. In reality, he wasn't _that_ afraid of her, it was just that he hadn't seen a ghost since he moved here and now, all of the sudden, they're showing up again. And most of the ghosts he'd seen in France were pretty gruesome. Japan had a bloody history but, apparently, their ghosts didn't stick around the way the French ones did.

"Please… I know you can see me…" She said, her eyes were watering. Tamaki didn't know ghosts could cry. "Please help me."

He swallowed hard. How was he supposed to respond to that?

"Don't worry, you won't turn into a hollow."

Tamaki snapped his head around as a black butterfly fluttered lazily past. Just behind it, a short woman in a black kimono walked serenely across the floor. She was shorter than Haruhi (whom she had to walk around) with dark hair and deep blue eyes. Tamaki would have guessed her to be in her late teens or early twenties but something told him that she was older than she looked. He became acutely aware that no one else had responded to her presence.

Except the ghost. "Are you a shinigami?"

"I am. My name is Rukia." She smiled. It was bittersweet. "I'm here to take you to Soul Society."

The ghost nodded. "What took you so long?"

"You were hiding, silly!" Her smile was lighter this time. She started to draw her sword.

Tamaki took a step foreword, some of those protective instincts kicking in. "Wait, what are you going to do to her?"

The host club stared at him like he'd lost his mind. The shinigami stared at him like she had just lost _her_ mind. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Huh?" Tamaki blinked his big blue eyes in that clueless way he does.

"You can see me?"

"Uh… yeah."

The woman planted her hands on her hips and stared at the ceiling. "Why does this keep happening to me?" She sighed. "Well, I'm about to send this girl here to the other side. Don't worry, she'll be fine."

"Oh! Okay then!" Tamaki relaxed.

"Ah, Milord… who're you talking to?" Hikaru asked, furrowing his brow.

"Why, Rukia-sama! She's a… shinigami was it?" Tamaki laughed, gesturing elegantly at the black clad woman who had just tapped the ghost on the forehead with the hilt of her sword. The ghost let out a relieved sigh as she dissolved. A black butterfly winged its way to the unseen sky.

"A shinigami?" The club repeated dubiously.

Just then…

"Ho ho ho ho ho ho!"  
HIGH POWERED MOTOR!

"Ho ho ho ho ho ho!" Renge laughed that weird little laugh of hers as she rose out of the floor. When her platform came to a stop, Tamaki was slightly disturbed to note that she was wearing the exact same outfit as the shinigami.

"Uh, Renge-kun… how did you…?"

"It's amazing! Just amazing! It seems our very own Host Club King has high spiritual powers! Ho ho ho ho ho!" Renge gestured expansively with one hand as she set her cup of coffee down with the other. She stood up and posed dramatically with a prop sword. "Who would have guessed!"

"It seems Renge-kun knows something of the subject." Kyoya said, tapping his glasses into place. Unbeknownst to everyone but Tamaki, Rukia was giving Renge – or rather, her costume, a thorough inspection.

"You don't think she can see me too do you?" She asked, throwing a startled look at Tamaki.

"Of course I know something of the subject!" Renge laughed. "Shinigami are a fairly recent addition to Japanese culture; they're based off of the grim reapers of the western world. It doesn't make them any less romantic though! Ho ho ho ho! Only people of very high spiritual powers can see them!"

"Nope, can't see me." Rukia waved her hand in front of Renges face then smirked triumphantly. "Although I'm surprised at how much she knows about us…"

"Renge knows a surprising amount about a lot of things, Rukia-sama."

"Just Rukia is fine." She waved disimissively then jumped down off of Renges platform.

Tamaki regarded her for a moment. He never tried to think much about people, he just went with his gut. Oh, in hindsight he could usually break things down and explain how he was able to figure things out, but at the moment? Pure instinct. And right now, he knew he was seeing a guest.

The club watched in some small horror as Tamaki abruptly transformed. Suddenly his coat wasn't on inside out, his shirt was tucked in, a tie appeared out of nowhere, and his hair was tousled in a carefree manor. "Ah, how rude of me!" He said, bowing low and offering his hand to someone no one else could see.

"Here we are, the finest club of the whole school in the presence of a most honored guest and we haven't even introduced ourselves!"

Rukia blinked a few times, not quite sure how to respond. "Uh…"

"I am Souh Tamaki, and this is my Host Club." He gestured elegantly to the confused teenagers.

"You do know they can't see me right?" Said the shinigami dubiously.

"You do know we can't see her right?" Said the host club dubiously (they had decided to play along).

"How sweet! A guest only Tamaki-senpai can see!" Renge gushed. "This should be amusing… so very amusing! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!" And then, she was gone.

Tamaki struck a pose. "Ah, but love is blind, Shinigami-sama! Vision would not help one seeking your heart!"

"_What?_" Rukia stared at him as if he'd completely lost his mind.

The host club had already decided he had. "Ah, Milord…" Kaoru sauntered over and leaned nonchalantly on Haruhi's head – much to her annoyance. "If only you can see her, how can she choose a favorite and have that favorite entertain her?"

"What if she doesn't go for the Prince Type?" Hikaru added, also leaning on Haruhi's head, much to her further annoyance.

"Ah, you're right, of course." Tamaki tapped his lips with one finger. "We shall have to remedy this!"

And so…

They'd only been playing along at first, hadn't seen any harm in humoring him. But then… then he'd gone and done something _intelligent_; he'd draped a silk scarf over the shinigamis shoulders and given her a pad of paper and a pencil (his bear pencil, no less) to write with.

There was a long, awkward pause as the Host Club stared at the scarf, pad of paper and pencil that were hanging in mid air. Rukia realized then that she should have simply left after doing her job. Damn her curiosity! Sighing, she quickly sketched out a bunny that was waving hello. Maybe if she simply explained to them that she had a job to do…

Finishing her drawing, she glanced at this Tamaki kid, who was smiling happily. "I really do need to go but I'll indulge you this once, okay?"

Then, before he could reply, she flipped the pad over. She'd drawn a bunny waving hello, then another bunny briefly explaining her job.

The club stared terrified for a moment. Then, the small boy (whom she had a hard time believing was in the high school section) bounced over, brandishing a bunny of his own! "It's so cuuuuuute! You draw so well Rukia-chan!"

"Oh, thank you!" She smiled, then flipped to a new page and wrote it down, along with another bunny drawing. Then added a note about loving the small boys plush bunny.

He read it quickly. "Really! Yaaaay! You can play with him if you want!" He held his bunny out to her.

Rukia suppressed a giggle as she gratefully accepted the adorable toy. Maybe she could hang around for a little while…

* * *

A/N: Fixed a couple of things.

Still lookin' for someone to beta!


	2. Strawberry and the Host Club

DISCLAIMER: Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite, Ouran High School Host Club belongs to Bisco Hatori. I like pie.

A/N: Huzzah! I found it! This chapter got baleeted on somehow, and my harddrive crashed a while back so I couldn't replace it. But then I remembered that someone was in the process of beta-ing for me, and lo and behold, the old version was still sitting in the deepest, darkest recesses of my email! :D So now, it's back. Sans corrections (which I also found, but I will fix things later).

**Chapter 2: Strawberry and the Host Club**

"How did you get this number?" Ichigo growled and glared at nothing in particular. He edged his head around the wall to take a look around the living room. Karin and Yuzu were in there but his dad was nowhere to be seen. Karin was giving him a rather odd look. Scowling, he shuffled back to his room, glad that he'd picked up the cordless.

"We keep it on file now. It's easier than sending someone every time." The voice on the other end of the line said lightly. "Don't worry, we don't tell your family anything."

"Great. I have a cell ya know." He sighed, flopping on his bed. "What's the problem?"

"Oh really? We'll have to add that to the file. Anyway, have you seen Rukia-san?"

He furrowed his brow. Who the hell was he talking to anyway? Probably someone in the 13th – Rukia was in the 13th. "Not lately. Why?"

"Oh. She missed a check in. It's been three days. We're just a little worried. Well, you know what happened last time…"

Ichigo squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I thought you could trace her."

"We can but it's a new security procedure. Every shinigami in the living world must check in once a day."

"Huh. No one told me."

"You're easy to spot. And, technically, you're still only an agent."

"Whatever. You want me to go look for her."

"Would you? We figured if you can't find her, no one can!" The person on the other end – and the other side, incidentally – laughed lightly.

"You're probably right about that." Ichigo chuckled wearily. "Well, where was she last?"

"She was filling in for someone in…"

It would have been so much easier had they let him do it his way. His way was the straightforward shinigami way; pop out of his body, leave Kon to keep track of things at home, and jet on over to where Rukia had last been. But noooo, oh no. Soul Society had _other_ ideas. Ideas that involved Renji and a new kind of gigai. This was a test run, you see.

Ichigo tugged at his tie as he stalked down the crowded hallway of Ouran High – a private academy that had far too much funding for its own good. The guys uniform wasn't too bad but something about those frilly yellow dresses the girls wore gave him a nervous tick. Renji trailed a short ways behind, completely in awe of the whole place. He was noticiably different from normal; his tattoos were gone and his hair wasn't quite so outrageous. He also didn't appear to be as muscular. This was the new gigai – the one designed to blend in. Ichigo guessed that this is what Renji had looked like when he was a teenager. He'd looked normal (normal for Renji, that is) when they'd set out to infiltrate the school but once they'd gotten into the crowd he'd started to change.

If Ichigo hadn't known the guy, he wouldn't have noticed him. It was kind of brilliant. Still, he would have rather checked the school as a shinigami, it would have gone much quicker. Not so brilliant was when Renji had come up with the bright idea of simply sneaking into the school without implanting any false memories. He really wanted to push the gigai to its limits. So far they'd been lucky – Ichigo had snuck into more than a few places before, and Renji seemed to be adept at it. He had a sneaking suspiscion that if they were caught, they'd dissapear. He doubted they could pull the rival school prank card; Karakura was too far away and Ouran was way, _way_ out of its league.

"She's still upstairs." Renji said, catching up.

Ichigo nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"I thought you still couldn't sense reiatsu." Renji raised an eyebrow.

He shrugged. "I can sense certain people. Chad from way off; you, Ishida, Inoue, and Rukia from within a kilometer radios."

"Oh, you've finally improved!" Renji slapped him on the back.

Ichigo shot him a sharp look, which prompted the shinigami to laugh. Grumbling under his breath, he picked up the pace and set his face to his "get the hell outta my way" scowl. This worked brilliantly, apparently, the rich didn't have to deal with punks that often. And boy, did they look like a couple of punks! It was almost funny really, he with his spiky orange hair and Renji with his long crimson hair and intimidating height. They rounded the corner to find some stairs (at last) when Ichigo caught a glimpse of someone out of the corner of his eye – someone wearing almost the exact same expression he was. He even had red hair although it was pretty dark, closer to Renji's color.

They stared at one another for a moment in mild surprise, then the other guy grunted and nodded. Ichigo did the same.

"Who was that?" Renji asked as they mounted the stairs.

"No idea." Ichigo shrugged.

Up the stairs to the top floor, all the way to the end of the north wing, a music room not being used. Laughter was heard on the other side of the doors, Rukia's among it. They stared for a few seconds… was she in a gigai?

Opening the doors, they found themselves in ancient Egypt. There was an awkward pause as the occupants of the room stared at them, as they stared back. They were mostly female – those irritating yellow dresses fluttered everywhere – but the few males in the room wore Egyptian robes and headdresses. The guy in the most expansive head dress swept forward. "As Pharaoh, I must welcome you to the Host Club." He bowed deeply. "May we help you?"

The rest of the club slid into view behind him, staring flatly at the newcomers. Except for one, the boys eyebrows had crawled up to his hairline. Ichigo blinked; on closer inspection, the that partiular boy appeared to be a girl.

"Host… club?" Renji grunted, bewildered.

"Ah, yes!" said the Pharaoh, "It is a game unique to this fine school! We exist solely to provide happiness and entertainment to the ladies here."

All of the girls giggled at this. Ichigo wondered what in the hell Rukia was doing up here. Maybe they had the wrong room… well, wouldn't hurt to ask. "Ah, is Kuchiki Rukia here?"

The Pharaoh started. "You… know Rukia-san?"

"Yeah, we're her friends." Ichigo and Renji replied simultaneously.

"Ah!" The lone girl in the club said, slamming a fist into her open hand. "You must be Ichigo!"

"Uh, yeah. So, is she here…?" Ichigo scratched the back of his head.

"She didn't say anything about me?" Renji asked, slumping slightly.

The girl stepped foreword. "Uh… I don't think so. She was just talking about how her friend Ichigo hated her drawings and she mentioned once that he had orange hair." She shrugged.

Ichigo sighed as Renji relaxed. Renji thought her drawings were stupid too but knew better than to say as much to Rukia.

"Ha ha! You've got guts, man!" The twins said simultaneously. They grinned at him in a slightly disturbing manor. "We only offered some constructive criticism and she nearly took our heads off!"

Renji stared at Ichigo. "You insulted her drawings and she let you live? Granted, I know you're hard to kill…"

Ichigo stared back. Maybe this gigai was working a little too well, was Renji actually _jealous_?

"What class are you two in? I don't believe I've seen you before." A black-haired boy tapped a clipboard, sunlight flashing ominously across his glasses. The boys too-cool demenor paired with the eye-wear glint remided Ichigo of Ishida for a vaguely foreboding moment.

"We're from…"

"Uh…"

"Ichigo? Renji?"

They relaxed as Rukia stepped into view, a sketchbook under one arm and a very small boy on the shoulders of a very large boy ambling after. Ichigo almost had a seizure. Not only was she in a gigai, she was wearing one of those stupid dresses!

"Rukia! We found you!" Renji laughed, bouncing over. Yes, _bouncing_. Rukia stared at him in shock.

"Rukia-chan was drawing with us!" The small boy laughed, waving his pink bunny around.

"Aa." The tall guy grunted. _He and Chad would get along really well,_ Ichigo thought, amused.

"Renji… why do you look forty years younger…?"

_Forty_? How old – oh yeah, Rukia was over a hundred years old, stood to reason that Renji was too.

"Long story," Ichigo interjected before Renji could start gushing (and a gushing was eminent). He threw a glance at the small boy and the bunny, then the sketchbook. He understood now why Rukia had been hanging around here. "Your division called; you forgot to check in."

Rukias eyes widened. "Oh! Damn! How long has it been?" She spun around in search of a clock.

"Division…?" The Pharaoh said, staring hard at Ichigo and Renji.

"You have been here almost a week, Rukia-san," the boy in glasses informed.

"_Shit_." she hissed, much to the clubs' surprise. Suddenly, the room was empty.

Ichigo glanced around the room as the last of the girls scurried out. That was certainly weird. "Yeah, well, I suppose I can't blame you, it's not every day you find someone who likes your crappy little draw-oof!"

She'd moved so fast he hadn't had time to dodge her punch. Rubbing his stomach, he squinted moodily at her.

"Wow! You're fast Rukia-chan!" The small boy laughed as the larger boy set him down. "I didn't know you knew martial arts! But I should have guessed since you and Takashi had a good battle yesterday! We should spar some time!"

"That would be fun, Hunny-chan!" Rukia smiled sweetly.

"She really didn't try to kill you for that…" Renji said forlornly. Then he glared hard at Ichigo. Yup, time to get him out of that gigai before he did something dumber than usual.

"Okay! Time to go. We need to get Renji home before he forgets how old he actually is." Ichigo said, grabbing the shinigami by the arm and yanking him away from Rukia.

"What? What are you talking about!" Renji snapped, jerking free. "I know how old I am!"

"Yeah, and that gigai is making you act like a teenager!" Ichigo snapped back, poking him between the eyes.

"It is… not… hmph." He furrowed his brow. "Actually, now that you mention it… I do feel a little… oh, what's the word…?"

"Emotional." Ichigo supplied flatly.

"Emo, more like it." The twins said offhandedly.

Renji directed his glare at the twins, who grinned. "Yes, emotional."

"Oh! Are you testing a new gigai?" Rukia stepped over and poked Renji in the side. "It's meant to blend in right? Well, no wonder you look forty years younger! I don't recall you ever being this dramatic before though…"

Renji blushed and took a step back. "It's - it's clearly malfunctioning." He shuffled a bit and rubbed the back of his neck. "Is this what it feels like to be a human teenager? No wonder you're so quick tempered, Ichigo – oof!"

Ichigo shook his hand out as Renji doubled over coughing. Suddenly… "Yowch! What was that for!" He rubbed his arm.

"For punching Renji when you know full well his gigai is malfunctioning!" Rukia snapped, crossing her arms over her chest.

"That's it! I wanna see!"

There was the sound of something unzipping, then Kon poked his head out of Ichigo's book bag. The host club took a big step back, staring wide eyed at the possessed plushy.

Kon took one look at Renji then burst out laughing. He laughed so hard that he fell out of the bag. Renji tried to stomp him but the mod-soul darted out of the way, attaching himself to Rukia. "Nee-san! I missed you so much! Ichigo is such a grouch!"

"Hi Kon," Rukia sighed, prying him off of her chest and dropping him unceremoniously onto the floor. She smirked. "I see you've been playing with Yuzu again."

Kon crossed his arms over his chest, attempting to hide the pink bow around his neck. "Unfortunately I forgot to make myself scarce yesterday when Yuzu was cleaning… damn that girl can tie knots! Why didn't you come rescue me, Nee-san!" He buried his head in her skirt.

"Because she was playing around here." Ichigo sighed.

"I haven't just been playing around." Rukia planted her hands on her hips. "There's a slough of earth-bound souls here. They've been dormant up until a few days ago and every one I've seen has been just days from becoming hollows. Tamaki-san has been helping me locate all of them before they turn. He's surprisingly good at detecting them." She gestured to the Pharaoh, who nodded, a haunted expression on his face.

"Eh?" Ichigo and Renji stared at Tamaki. He was tall and lean with blond hair and blue eyes. Curiously he didn't exactly look foreign. He was the kind of guy most other guys took an immediate disliking to, simply because they know their female friends would feel the exact opposite.

"You don't suppose he's strong enough to be a shinigami do you?" Ichigo muttered to Renji.

Renji shook his head. "No, he's just strong enough to see us – unless his power's mostly dormant."

Ichigo's badge went off then, followed by Rukia's cell phone. "Damn! We missed one!" She hissed, hiking her skirt up and retrieving her phone from a leg holster wrapped around her calf.

Ichigo stared for a moment but decided not to comment. Renji looked like his head was about to explode. Without a second thought, he jammed his badge into Renji's chest. The shinigami burst free of the gigai and stumbled a few steps. Renji shook his head then stared at Ichigo. "What have I been thinking all this time?"

"Dude, that is the million dollar question." Ichigo said. He snagged Kon, popped him out of the plushy then swallowed the little green pill. As soon as he was free of his body, he grabbed the mod soul by the shirt collar. "Stay here, guard the gigais and don't cause trouble."

"What? Since when do I cause trouble?" Kon grinned.

Rukia and Renji flopped their limp gigais onto the couch. "Lets go!"

"No gikongan?" Ichigo asked, quirking a brow.

"Nah, Yachiru was caught tampering with them, the 12th is still undoing whatever it was she did." Renji chuckled nervously.

"Oh." Ichigo tried not to think of what Yachiru might want to do with temporary souls as he started for the nearest window.

"Don't let him out of the room," he barked, pointing at Kon and giving Tamaki a sharp look. The blond gluped and nodded. Letting out a grumbling sigh, Ichigo pushed the window open and leapt outside.

The host club watched as Ichigo knocked out Renji, then knocked out the plushy, then knocked himself out whilst Rukia passed out for no apparent reason. Watched as Ichigo rose as if he was being lifted, then woke up again, only to be grabbed by the shirt collar by some unseen force; watched as Renji and Rukia were dragged by invisible hands to a nearby sofa; watched as a window opened of its own accord to let in a warm breeze. The concept of a false body had been explained to them, of course, but it was still strange to watch.

Especially for Tamaki, who'd seen exactly what was going on. He almost wished he _couldn't_ see what was going on, it would have made more sense. "That gigai really did make Renji look younger…" This was the first coherent thought that entered his mind.

"So… I couldn't hear that much… what exactly is this Host Club?"

The club turned back to Ichigo but it was clear to everyone that the boy loosening his tie was not Ichigo. Kon wasn't even trying, of course.

"Oh… ah… what's your name?" Tamaki asked. That was certainly bizarre – he knew that was Ichigo's gigai but it didn't look exactly like him now, unlike Rukia's gigai… wait… why was Ichigo's gigai up and walking around without a soul in it? And hadn't Renji said something about Ichigo being human?

"I'm Kon." He grinned.

"Isn't that what Rukia-san called the lion doll?" Kaoru said.

"Yeah, this is the real me," Kon said, stooping and lifting the plushy off the floor. "They just put me in Ichigo's body when he needs to be in two places at once."

"You're like… a temporary soul aren't you?" Haruhi asked, edging closer. "Because Ichigo is human."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"How can Ichigo be a shinigami if he's still alive?" Kyoya asked, tapping his clipboard. "That seems almost contradictory."

"It's a long, weird story." Kon sighed. "Anyway, about this Host Club. It sounds intriguing."

And so, Tamaki explained what it was to be a host. This was, perhaps, one of his more idiotic ideas.

Kon stared, his mouth hanging open. "I want in!"

"Ah, Kon-san, you don't go to this school." Haruhi pointed out.

"Besides, you don't even meet the basic visual criteria," the twins sighed.

"Ho ho ho ho ho ho!"

HIGH POWERED MOTOR!

"Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!" Renge whirled up out of the floor. Her outfit today was a variant on the shinigami uniform she'd worn days ago; the hakama was the same but she had a long black coat on instead of a gi. It was tattered rather dramatically at the hem, was lined in red, and seemed to come with its own breeze. Her hair had been dyed a rather familiar shade of orange. She'd switched out her swords too, today it was a black nodachi that was taller than she was, and had a manji for a guard. "But that is where you're wrong Hitachiin brothers!"

"Did she just come out of the floor?" Kon gaped.

"How do you figure?" The twins spun slowly to look at her, eyes half-closed shrewdly.

"And that isn't weird?" Kon glanced at Haruhi as he gestured to Renge.

"Define weird." Haruhi quirked an eyebrow at the mod soul. After a moment of thought, Kon nodded in understanding.

"While it is true that Kurosaki Ichigo is not the most handsome of hero'es-"

Kon sniggered.

Kyoya rose an eyebrow then zipped off to his laptop, muttering the name "Kurosaki" under his breath.

"He possesses something this club is sorely lacking, something that, sadly cannot be found amongst the rich!"

Tamaki was starting to catch on. "He does have a sort of _grittiness_ doesn't he…"

"Yes!" Renge crowed. "That is a very good start, Tamaki-senpai! Kon! Can you imitate Ichigo's scowl?"

"Of course! But I don't like doing it for long – I can't figure out how he does that all the time – he even scowls in his sleep!"

"Do it now! And make it as dark as possible!" she commanded, pointing dramatically at the mod soul.

Kon was so startled he obeyed immediately and without question.

As he glared at no one in particular, the club slid in front of him, Kyoya holding his laptop in one hand. The second thing they noticed was that Kon suddenly looked precisely like Ichigo – which was an odd thing to notice considering that was Ichigo's body. The first thing they noticed…

"Bad Ass." The twins said, nodding slowly, understanding at last.

Tamaki leaned in close. "Yes… yes we have a little devil type, and a wild type, but no bad boy! No anti-hero!" He bounced back a step and snapped his fingers. "Kaoru, Hikaru!"

"Yes sir!" They snapped to attention.

"You know what to do."

"Sir!"

Before Kon could comprehend what was going on, the twins had snatched him up and were hauling him away.

"Tamaki-senpai, are you sure this is a good idea?" Haruhi asked, shuddering at the memory of being snatched up by the twins for a makeover. She pitied Kon, she really did.

"Of course!" Tamaki gestured expansively. "Is it not the job of the King to see to it that his kingdom has everything it could possibly need?"

"And, oh how the ladies will adore a forbidden love between a princess and a gritty warrior of common birth!" Renge swooned.

"You are on fire today, Renge-kun!" Tamaki beamed.

"Yes. Hmm, you know, I may need to help them get just the right look." She hopped down off of her platform and shouldered her prop-sword, heading off in the direction the twins had taken. "They're brilliant with beauty but I've honestly never seen them do anything with gritty…"

"Ah, yes, I understand that angle… amazingly." Haruhi shook her head. "But isn't that Ichigo's body, and doesn't he go to another school? And… well, he doesn't strike me as the type to take this in good humor…"

"Ichi-chan won't mind!" Hunny piped up. He was hugging both his bunny and Kon's lion plush. "It's only for a couple of days while Rukia-chan and Tama-chan exorcise the rest of the ghosts right? It should go even faster with three shinigami!"

"Aa." Mori agreed.

"But… wouldn't Kon need to be at home to fill in while Ichigo is working here?"

"Uh… oh that's right…" Tamaki cupped his chin in his hand, thinking.

"Already taken care of." Kyoya snapped his computer shut.

"Kyoya-senpai?" Haruhi gaped at him. Surely the Shadow King didn't think this was a good idea, did he?

"Kurosaki's test scores are decent and it seems the karate club has been after him to join for some time now. All and all, he has potential. I just emailed his guidance councilor and his father. For the next three days, Kurosaki shall be touring Ouran High as a prospective scholarship transfer student." Kyoya smiled that scary little smile of his.

No, Kyoya didn't think this was a good idea. He just wanted to see what happened. Haruhi backed away slowly. Impossibly, things were only going to get weirder…

"You know, that really didn't require the three of us." Rukia said as they ambled across Ourans' roof.

"Yeah, we should have just sent Renji." Ichigo agreed.

He nodded, wide-eyed. "I really needed out of that gigai. I don't have to inhabit that thing home, do I? No, of course not, it's malfunctioning."

There was a bit of a surprise waiting for them when they hopped in the window of the third music room. Ichigo froze. The first thing he noticed was a girl wearing the exact same clothes he wore when he released bankai, complete with Tensa Zangetsu. The second thing he noticed was that Kon was rather sparkly in a broody kind of way.

"What the fu-?"

"Nee-san!" Kon bounced over to Rukia. "Guess what! Tamaki-sama is letting me join the Host Club while you guys finish exorcising all of the ghosts!"

"Oh dear god no!" Rukia squeaked.

"Oi… Ichigo… isn't that…?" Renji pointed at the girl in the bankai outfit.

"It is." Ichigo marched over to her and waved his hand in front of her face. She didn't react at all, just kept chattering away about her plans for Kon.

"Why not, Rukia-san?" Tamaki blinked cluelessly.

"Because he's a pervert!"

"I promised to be good!" Kon beamed.

"Oi! Where'd you get those clothes… damnit… KON! Get over here!" Ichigo fished his badge out of his robes and tackled the mod soul. The host club sprang back as Kon abruptly collapsed. When he stood again, it was clear that Ichigo had returned. He tossed Kon to the blond kid, who stared at the pill for a moment before stuffing it back into the lion plush.

"Ichigoooooo! Why'd you go and – oof!"

Ichigo kicked him away then stalked up to the cosplay girl. "Who the hell are you?"

She stared for a moment, cheeks flushed. "Oh my, I did better than I thought!"

"What?" Ichigo blinked. This was not the reaction he was going for.

"I, Hoshakuji Renge, am a genius!"

"Kon looked good… but Ichigo is downright scary." Kaoru agreed as Hikaru nodded.

"I don't know, he seems a little _too_ rough," Tamaki mused.

"Oh, don't let that fool you, he's quite the gentlemen in his own way. Very good with his sisters." Rukia said offhandedly, she didn't exactly know what was going on. She was back in her gigai, was handing a pad of paper and a pencil to Renji. He had a silk floral scarf draped over his shoulders for some reason.

Ichigo twitched around to look at the rest of the host club. They were staring at him like some kind of prized animal. It was a little disconcerting. Deciding he didn't want to know what they were talking about, he ran a hand back through his hair and attempted to curb his temper. "Hoshakuji… where did you find that costume?"

"I made it myself of course! _Bleach_ is very popular right now! And mess with your hair again please!" She beamed and leaned in closer. She was blushing quite profoundly and her eyes were about to pop out of her head.

Ichigo stumbled back. "Uh… what?"

"So cute!" She squealed. Unable to contain herself any longer, she swept him into a tight hug. "He's so clueless! Perfect! Perfect!"

"What the hell!" Ichigo yelped, trying to pry her off and having a hard time at it. And then…

"So genuine!" Tamaki gushed, bouncing over and joining in the hug. And then everyone was hugging Ichigo. Well, almost everyone. Mori knew better, and Kyoya didn't go in for group hugs although he was smiling that scary little smile of his again. Haruhi seemed to have been caught up with the twins and was having a hard time breaking loose.

"Sorry Ichigo-san! They get like this sometimes!" she shouted. "Let go, Hikaru!"

"Lucky bastard…" Kon muttered, eyeing Ichigo enviously.

"I don't get it." Rukia scratched the back of her head.

"Neither do I." Renji shook his head.

With an audible pop, Ichigo burst free of the hug and stumbled back, his clothes askew and his hair messier than usual. The host club stared. "What the hell is wrong with you people! Nevermind! I don't want to know! I'm going home!"

"I'm afraid you can't do that." Kyoya said, tapping his glasses.

"Oh?" Ichigo quirked a brow, his voice an ominously low growl. Somewhere in the back, Renge swooned.

"Because, at the moment, Kurosaki Ichigo, you are officially a prospective transfer scholarship student to Ouran Academy. Don't worry, your test scores are high enough; I'm sure if you didn't split your time between schoolwork and your shinigami duties you'd be at the top of your class, so it _is_ a genuine possibility. I've already contacted your school and your father. They'll be expecting you back in three days." Kyoya shrugged. "It's only a front, of course, while you help Rukia-san exorcise the rest of the ghosts. In the meanwhile, we can keep Kon busy for you."

Ichigo felt his eye twitch. There were so many questions but only one managed to escape his lips. "Why?"

Kyoya simply smiled.

Ichigo snorted. "Whatever. You can't keep me here."

"As interesting as this sounds, he's right. You can't." Rukia shook her head, shifting her weight.

"I believe I can." Kyoya reached into his blazer and withdrew a handful of photos. He held them up for Ichigo to see.

Ichigo froze. "Where did you get those?"

"Your father happily supplied them." Kyoya said coolly, tucking the photos back into his blazer.

"Of course he did." Ichigo growled.

"Oh, you'll want to visit with the karate club at least once. Rumor has it you're quite good and it will add to your cover."

"That was fast," Hikaru said, "I didn't realize you could put your evil schemes into motion so quickly."

"Kurosaki Isshin was online when I emailed him." Kyoya shrugged. "I got lucky."


	3. The Phantom Menace

DISCLAIMER: Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite, Ouran High School Host Club belongs to Bisco Hatori. I like pie.

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Phantom Menace**

It wasn't as bad as Ichigo had initially thought. For one thing, Rukia really had been working – she just donned her gigai during down-time to draw with Hunny-senpai (he was still having a hard time believing that little kid was two years his senior), and the dress was mostly to blend in – it irritated her as much as Ichigo, apparently. Additionally, she and Hunnys' antics had become quite a draw for the club, the inner workings of which - heaven help him – he was starting to understand.

Renji had returned to Soul Society to complain to R&D as well as update everyone on their current fiasco. They hadn't heard anything, which Ichigo assumed meant there wasn't a problem.

There were three big surprises; the first and certainly the biggest was Kon. Things hadn't quite ended up the way he'd pictured. On top of having to act like a brooding Ichigo, he had to behave himself, be a gentleman. Frankly, being in the Host Club was pure torture to the perverted little mod-soul. But, he refused to leave until the three days were up. Ichigo found Kons predicament terribly amusing.

The second was Tamaki. He was actually helpful and - when not laying on the charm in deadly doses - was a decent guy. Ichigo was hesitant to call him cool. Especially after he just scurried past what appeared to be an unused chemistry lab. Yes, _scurried_. Ichigo decided it was best not to ask. As he passed the doorway, he spun around just in time to see a cloaked figure with a little cat puppet of all things duck back inside, chuckling softly.

"Ichigo-san!" Tamaki hissed, waving him foreword. "The Black Magic Club meets there, come on!"

Ichigo rose an eyebrow. Black Magic Club? That was certainly weird.

The third surprise was the ghosts themselves; there were hundreds of them. They surfaced gradually throughout the course of the day. When Tamaki was free he helped Ichigo and Rukia locate them but they were on their own while he was in class. So far, they'd only missed two. Luckily, the hollows had been weak and were easily dispatched.

Make that three.

Tamaki zoomed past him and ducked into an empty classroom, a hollow hot on his heels. Ichigo lifted Zangetsu off his shoulders, lashed out, caught the hollow across the flank, then reversed his grip to plunge the sword clean through the mask. The hollow let out a strangled roar then began to dissolve. It had been about the size of a small truck, the largest hollow yet.

"You're only a temp?" Tamaki gaped at him as Ichigo rewrapped Zangetsu then rested the sword across his shoulders. "I wonder what a full blown shinigami is like in battle!"

Ichigo shrugged. "Actually, I'm captain level."

Tamakis eyes bugged out of his head as he hopped back out into the hall. "So… you would outrank Rukia-san if you went full time?"

Ichigo had to think about that. "Well, yeah, I guess."

"Have you met with the Karate Club yet?! I'm sure they'd love to have you! Oh and the Kendo Club too! Mori-senpai can set up a meeting." Tamaki trailed after him like a puppy.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "That's just cover, remember? I'm not actually applying here."

"But Kyoya thinks you could make it and I agree."

"Ptttht. You just want me pwn hollows."

"And keep the ghosts away. But I really do think you'd do well here."

Ichigo stopped and turned around – and immediately regretted it. For not only was Tamaki following him like a puppy, he had whipped out the Puppy Eyes.

Ichigo stumbled back. "No! I'm not applying here!"

.…

"This is just a job! When it's done, I'm going back to Karakura!"

He started to wibble.

"Fine! I'll think about it! Damn!"

"Yay!"

Ichigo threw his hands in the air then stalked off, absently performing konsos as he went. A half dozen ghosts had sprung up after the hollow had appeared.

* * *

The ghosts stopped coming suddenly an hour later. Surprisingly tired, Ichigo ambled into the third music room. The club was just getting set up. He paused for a moment to watch Kon work his face around into various weird expressions in front of a mirror. Sensing his gaze, the mod soul half turned. 

"I have to warm up before I scowl all day – you really need to learn a different expression!"

Ichigo wasn't in the mood to argue, just rolled his eyes and shuffled to the back of the room. He plopped down at a small table across from Haruhi, who was sneaking in a little study time before she was dragged off to play. She looked about as tired as he did.

"Long day." Ichigo yawned and stretched. When she didn't respond he smacked himself on the forehead. He reached across the table and snagged a notebook she wasn't using, as well as a spare pencil.

She nearly jumped out of her skin but relaxed as she realized one of the shinigami was sitting with her. Ichigo scribbled out a greeting and held the notebook up.

"Oh, hello Ichigo-san."

Ichigo blinked. He hadn't said who it was. "How'd you know it was me?" He wrote.

"You just wrote 'Yo'. Rukia-san is a little more formal. And I don't think Renji-sama came back."

"Ah. Good catch. You're still studying for exams?"

"No, I just wanted to get my homework done early today." She scribbled down a few notes then flipped to a new page in her notebook.

After a few minutes of companionable silence, Ichigo remembered something he'd been meaning to ask her. It hit him yesterday why she was in the club now, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out why she'd joined in the first place.

"Why did you join this club?" He wrote.

Haruhi glanced at the notebook. "It's a long, strange story." She laughed wearily.

"Figured as much. How come so many people think yer a guy?"

Haruhi glanced up then did a double take. Amazingly, her brown eyes snapped up to meet his. He was sure she couldn't see him, which made it all the more unsettling.

"When did you figure it out?"

"Right off the bat. There's a lot of idiots around here aren't there?"

"You can say that again." She chuckled. "It's… it's a lot of fun though."

"Heh."

"So why did you become a shinigami?" Haruhi asked a minute or so later, finishing her homework with a flourish and stuffing it neatly back into her bag.

"Long strange story."

She smirked. "Is it rewarding?"

"Yeah… actually. Plus it's great stress release. Nothing like heading out after a tough day of school to pound some hollows."

Haruhi burst out laughing, Ichigo followed suit, jotting down; "Lol!" This prompted Haruhi to laugh harder. Their laughter drew the attention of the Host Club King who promptly zipped over to spy on them from behind a pillar. He wasn't quite sure what to do; tough guys seemed to like Haruhi (even when they thought she was a boy) and this was the most relaxed he'd seen Ichigo.

"What is it Milord?" Hikaru asked.

Tamaki started then snagged the twin, dragging him behind the pillar with him. "Haruhi is laughing with Ichigo!"

Hikaru twitched and eased his head around the pillar just in time to see the notebook slide across the table to Haruhi. She'd just stopped laughing but whatever the shinigami had written had set her off again. Hikaru and Tamaki slammed back behind the pillar.

"What should we do?"

"I don't know!"

Tamaki eased back to take a close look at Ichigo. He didn't _look_ like he was flirting but it was hard to tell with him. He just seemed… friendly. Maybe that was flirting for him!

"What do you see?" Hikaru hissed.

"He's being friendly!" Tamaki gasped.

Hikaru blinked. "And?"

"What are you two do – ah!"

"Shhhhh!"

Kaoru stared at them for a moment.

"Ichigo is making Haruhi laugh!" Tamaki whimpered. A sulking was eminent.

Kaoru also poked his head around the pillar. It was true, Haruhi was having a hard time keeping her laughter quiet. The boys zipped down to a huddle, quietly debating what, if anything, they should do.

"What are they up to now?" Haruhi sighed.

"I'll find out." Ichigo wrote, making sure he scraped the chair back slightly so that she knew he'd gotten up. He sauntered over and leaned against the pillar, directly behind Tamaki.

"We could always make him get back in his body so we know where he is." Hikaru said.

"But what about the ghosts? Rukia-san said she couldn't keep up with them by herself." Tamaki said.

Ichigo smirked. Although Tamaki was good at detecting earth bound spirits, he seemed as clueless as he was when it came to sensing reiatsu.

"How dangerous are the ghosts anyway? You have to be used to them by now." Kaoru said.

"They still bug me a little…" Tamaki squeezed his knees to his chest. "But that's not the problem. If these ghost stay, they'll turn into monsters remember?"

"How bad could they be? We've never seen them." The twins said in unison.

"They'll eat your soul!" Tamaki stared wide eyed at them.

"So, they're like Kyoya."

Ichigo snorted a laugh.

Tamaki slowly looked up then grinned sheepishly before leaping to his feet. "Ah, Ichigo-san… did you enjoy your chat with Haruhi?"

"Yeah. She was wondering what you guys were up to."

"Oh noth… you know?!" Tamaki looked absolutely petrified.

"He knows?" The twins repeated, exchanging glances. "He _knows_?"

"He knows." Tamaki gulped.

"He knows!"

"I know! We'll make him wear a bell!" Hikaru jabbed a finger in the direction he thought Ichigo was in, which was more or less correct then darted off towards one of the cosplay closets, Kaoru in tow.

"Know… what?"

* * *

Ichigo lifted his head as he picked his iPod off his chest. Watching Kon at work was just a little too freaky so, without any ghosts or hollows to deal with, he'd retreated to one of the staging rooms to snooze. Thumbing through his various playlists, he pondered the Host Club. It was a very bizarre situation, to say the least. A part of him thought it was ingenious but most of him was weirded out by the whole thing. Especially the part where they'd worked Kon into the mix. That same part of him that found the whole setup ingenious was also a bit flattered but he had no desire to join in the fun. 

Finding a list on the mellow side, he hit play then plopped his head down on one hand, let the other hand dangle lazily off the side of the couch. Yep, this was good. Closing his eyes, he smiled faintly and let the music drown out everything else in his brain.

Roughly ten minutes later, when he was in that pleasant space between awake and dreaming, he noticed the disturbance. It was light, and situated a fair distance below but it was there, swirling slowly. Still pleasantly hazy, he watched it for a while, more curious than anything. He wasn't in any kind of mental state to make connections, but had he been more alert, he would have noticed that there was a rather strong vein of energy shooting from the center of the lazily swirling vortex to the general area of a certain unused chemistry lab. Then again, had he been more alert, he wouldn't have noticed the disturbance in the first place. It was one of those things you don't notice unless you're not looking for it.

"Oh, so this is where you got off to."

Ichigo didn't flinch but the disturbance faded from his semi-awareness as his mind woke up a little bit.

"Should put a note on the couch so no one sits on you. Not that anyone will be back here for a while."

Ichigo grunted. The sign didn't sound like such a bad idea… then again, the twins _had_ been talking about putting a bell on him, leaving a sign that read "Ichigo's here – don't sit!" was a surefire way to tell them where he was at the moment. As much as he enjoyed kicking ass, he really didn't want to interupt his nap.

Rustling fabric made itself heard just above the music, told him that Rukia was in her gigai. Then came the scent of markers...

"Don't bother, the twins are after me for some reason." He muttered, shifting position slightly.

"Hmm. What'd you do?"

"Talked to Fujioka."

"That's all?"

"Apparently making her laugh is a crime." Ichigo shrugged.

"You made her laugh?" The shock in her tone was vaguely irritating.

"We were joking about Souh."

"_Oh._ Okay, that makes sense. Hmm. They are kind of protective of her aren't they? Especially Hikaru."

"Mmm. So you noticed that she's a girl."

"Of course, I don't know why no one else can see it. Tamaki's kind of protective of her too, come to think of it… I wonder what's going on there…"

Ichigo cracked an eye open. "Been reading shojou manga again have we?"

"No!" Rukia chucked a marker at him.

He squeezed his eye shut and turned his face away as the marker bounced off his shoulder. "Are you sure you're a shinigami 'cause that was pathetic!" He grinned.

He'd expected her to throw another marker, maybe drop the whole box on him, maybe even bop him on the head. He didn't expect the pile-drive. Ichigo sat up with a painful yelp as Rukia dug her elbow into his gut. Absently snagging his iPod before it was crushed, he shoved her to the end of the couch. Before he could react further, she had gotten behind him somehow, had him in a headlock. "What the – no! No noogies! Gaaahhh!"

"Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!" Rukia cackled in her best Don Kanonoji imitation.

"Oh that's it! You just had to do the laugh didn't you!" Ichigo hooked one arm behind himself, grabbed her round the waist and hauled her out from behind him. Rukia yelped and flailed, trying to break free but only succeeding in tangling herself up in her dress.

"Damn stupid yellow piece of sh- !"

"So don't wear it!" Ichigo quipped, letting go at the last moment, letting her flail herself face first onto the couch.

"Pervert!" She snapped, whirling around.

Ichigo caught her foot before it connected with his jaw. "I didn't say take it off, I said don't wear it! They've got to have something else around here to wear."

Rukia glared squinty eyed at him. Apparently, she hadn't heard that part. Which was all of it. Hmmm…

"Are you sure you haven't been reading shojou manga agai – ow!" Her other foot hit home.

Ichigo glared at her as he rubbed his chin, letting her foot go. Rukia gathered herself up and hopped off the couch. She made the mistake of turning her back on him. It occurred to Ichigo, as Rukia squeaked in genuine surprise, that he was much faster as a shinigami, that this was probably an unfair advantage. Oh well, mission accomplished; he had her in a headlock.

"Oh no you don't! If you mess up my hair I will kill you!" Rukia huffed, trying to break free.

"Turn about is fair play, Rukia!" Said Ichigo, grinning sadistically. He froze fist poised above Rukias head. Tamaki was standing in the doorway, a soft smile on his face, sparkles in his big blue eyes. Renji was standing behind him, eyebrows upraised.

Anyone could see he was about to give her a noogie right? They were just messing around – not like that! Playing! You know, being stupid? Right? That was obvious! Ichigo realized that Rukia _was_ rather close… and he _did_ have his arm around her… and she wasn't exactly in a headlock… kinda just had his arm around her shoulders and, now that he thought about it, she could have broken out of that fairly easily…

Sputtering something unintelligible, Ichigo let the diminutive shinigami go and leapt back onto the couch, poised to flee at a moments notice. Less than a moment – he could be on the other side of the school in a blink of an eye if he needed to.

"Oh, hi Renji! Welcome back! Did you need something Tamaki-san?" Rukia choked out, her voice oddly high pitched. She started gathering up her sketchbook and markers. Ichigo absently tossed her the one she'd thrown at him, she caught it without looking.

"Hunny-senpai was looking for you." Tamaki said. "And as you can see, Renji-sama has returned."

Her art supplies gathered, she swept her hair back then straightened her dress, suddenly the cool, professional shinigami (albeit in a ridiculous get up). "Ah, yes, thank you." Then she marched out the door. Tamaki giggled and bounced after her.

"So… what's up?" Ichigo asked, still poised to flee if need be.

"We have permission to remain and deal with the earth bound spirits. Soul Society detected a disturbance somewhere beneath the school, so far they don't know what it is so we're to investigate." Renji crossed his arms over his chest and grinned. "What was that just now?"

"Nothing!" Ichigo said far too quickly – even though it really was nothing.

"Kinda hard to get Rukia riled up like _that_." He said offhandedly, leaning nonchalantly against the door frame, looking at him kind of sideways.

Ichigo blinked, was about to say that it actually wasn't too hard to get Rukia riled up (and Renji should know that anyhow), but then he thought about what exactly Renji was saying. Before Ichigos brain could explode, Renji pushed off the door frame and hefted a gigai, dragging it into the staging room for later, apparently.

"C'mon, lets go check it out."

"Uh, yeah." Ichigo hopped off the couch and retrieved his iPod and headphones from where they'd fallen, relieved to discover that the temperamental device was unharmed.

"It was sweet when you tossed her the marker." Renji smirked.

"Quit trying to weird me out!" Ichigo barked, lunging at the other shinigami. Renji laughed and bolted out the door. Ichigo was hot on his heels but slowed to a trot as he passed through the main portion of the third music room, it was hard not to watch, kind of like a car accident. He'd gotten used to the twins 'brotherly love' routine, and he already had a built in ignore instinct for Tamaki; Hunny-senpai was, well Hunny-senpai – and he actually liked Mori. He couldn't quite figure out Haruhi's angle but the girls seemed to be having fun, which was what mattered… but there was something just flat weird about seeing Kon leaning broodily against a window frame with six girls lurking nearby with barely contained squeals.

"Ku – Kurosaki-kun? Would you like to come have some tea with us?" A brave girl asked.

"No thanks." Kon grunted, never taking his eyes off of whatever it was he was pretending to stare moodily at. The girls stared wide eyed at him then finally did squeal.

Ichigo shook his head slowly. He knew it was killing Kon to ignore them but, damn that was weird! He shuttered and opened the doors, meeting Renji on the other side. They made their way down to the basement and started poking around; Renji had brought one of his gadgets to aid in their search.

"So what kind of disturbance was this supposed to be?" Ichigo asked, poking his head into a storage closet.

"Dunno. They couldn't tell exactly what it was but it might be what's stirring up all of these earth bound spirits – maybe even attracting them here from elsewhere. There haven't been that many deaths on school grounds." Renji replied from the other side of the hall. "And I'm not picking anything up with this thing."

"Maybe the batteries are dead." Ichigo moved further up the hall, trying to remember what it was they used to detect stuff in those Ghost Busters movies.

"Nah, checked em before we got down here." Renji grunted, pausing to inspect a drain pipe. "Now here's something…"

"What?" Ichigo joined him, running a critical eye over the pipe. It was old, probably some of the original plumbing. He hoped this didn't take them into the sewers – he _hated_ going down into the sewers. Hollows smelled bad enough as it was, but a hollow in the sewers? No way was he doing that again.

"This pipe is channeling reiatsu. It's not that strong right now, just a trickle." Renji leaned in close, fiddling with the dial on the side of the futuristic glasses he wore.

Ichigo cocked his head to the side then closed his eyes, focused on the pipe. "I don't – wait… wait there it is." He frowned and opened his eyes. "Is it just me or is it flowing backwards?"

"It's going up." Renji nodded.

They stared at the pipe for a minute. "So… do we follow it to the source or see where it's going?"

Renji shifted his weight then looked down, readjusted the dial on the visor. "This is as far as we go unless we want to phase into bedrock."

Ichigo made a face. He'd never walked through walls before although he knew Shinigami could with the aid of a Hell Butterfly. He didn't really have any desire to. "I guess we see where it's going then."

"Yeah. Strange…"

"What?"

"The reiatsu's coming from beneath us but there's nothing down there that could be letting it off."

"Hmph."

Leaving a marker on the pipe in question, they made their way back upstairs, keeping to maintenance access-ways and side routes to follow the pipes progress. It was fairly straightforward, they found themselves in an unused chemistry lab less than ten minutes later. After a short search, they located the pipe beneath a sink but were surprised to discover that it had been capped; it was still there, but it wasn't in use, was jutting up out of the floor next to a set of modern looking plumbing which connected to the sink.

Ichigo backed out of the space beneath the sink as Renji fiddled with his glasses, trying to get a clearer read on the reiatsu. He ran a hand back through his orange hair and let out a slow breath, staring around the shadowy lab. The place was clean, looked like people were in here fairly often although there was little evidence of what they were doing.

"I think this is the remnants of something." Renji said from the cubbard.

Ichigo nodded absently.

"Like, power _was_ being drawn up through here but isn't right now. This reiatsu is just stuck in the vacuum."

"Reiatsu can do that?" Ichigo quirked a brow and half turned as Renji popped up and closed the cabinet doors.

"Yeah. It behaves kind of like a gas under the right circumstances." He shrugged and lifted the visor up to rest on his forehead. He plugged a cable into a jack in the glasses then connected his phone to the other end. "I'm gonna send these readings to Soul Society, see what they make of it."

They were ten steps down the hallway, heading back to the third music room when Ichigo realized where they were.

"You know, it's a long shot, but the black magic club meets in there." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder and smirked.

Renji snorted a laugh. "Yeah, that's gotta be it."

Ichigo grinned. "They're pretty scary, they give Souh nightmares and everything."

"I suspect that's not particularly hard."

* * *

A/N: If you can spot the Freakazoid reference you get a gold star :D 


	4. Fun with the Host Club

DISCLAIMER: _Bleach_ belongs to Kubo Tite, _Ouran High School Host Club_ belongs to Bisco Hatori. I like pie.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Fun With the Host Club**

Rukia liked the Host Club. It was peaceful in a chaotic kind of way. When not drawing with Hunny, she was content to just sit back and watch the idiots flail around. At the moment though, she was drawing with Hunny. Her markers rasped across the page, releasing a faint scent of chemicals that she'd long grown used to. Hunny was drawing too but he preferred crayons and tended to take a lot of snack breaks. Three girls sat with them, they also had drawing supplies but they mostly watched and talked to Hunny and occasionally Rukia. Mori was with them as well, but he was sipping tea on the opposite couch, his entourage sitting shyly nearby, content to watch, apparently.

She kind of liked hanging around with the girls too – even though they were all vapid, two dimensional people. Her schoolgirl act and Kuchiki upbringing (such as it was) blended well in this setting.

"Would you like some cake Rukia-chan?" Hunny asked, eyes sparkling in the afternoon sunlight.

Rukia slapped on her most glittery smile. "Yes please! Just let me finish my drawing Hunny-senpai!"

"Okay! I'll slice you a piece. Do you want chocolate or cherry?"

"Hmmm… can I have chocolate with a cherry on top?"

"Ooooh yeah! That sounds great! I'll have that too!"

"I'll get it for you, Mitsukuni." Mori said, moving to rearrange the cake toppings.

Rukia didn't look up as the girls squeed over the boys and cake and whatever other cuteness was happening. It was funny to listen to though. She finished her drawing with a flourish and flipped it over for everyone to see. "All done!"

"That's so cute Rukia-chan!" Hunny laughed. "Here's your cake!"

"So cuuuute!" The girls gushed.

Rukia grinned and set her sketchbook down, taking the offered plate with a dip of her head. "Thank you everyone!"

Oh yes, this was a good place. She wondered if she could talk Ichigo into starting a Host Club at his school… no that wasn't going to happen. Speaking of… she glanced up as Ichigo and Renji ambled back into the room, talking about sports, apparently. Weren't they supposed to be doing something? Wasn't she supposed to be doing something, for that matter? She frowned down at her cake then picked up a fork. The souls had stopped appearing a little while ago, and there hadn't been any hollows; Renji and Ichigo apparently hadn't needed her help with whatever it was they were up to.

"Is something wrong, Rukia-chan?" Hunny asked, propping his elbows on the table. He had a smudge of chocolate on his cheek that every girl present wanted to wipe off but dared not.

Rukia shook herself back to the present and smiled. "No, I just remembered something I need to do later."

As she listened to the idle chatter, she caught sight of Kon at the edge of the activity, brooding away. She was surprised he'd drawn as many customers as he had already, and he wasn't doing half as good a job as being mysteriously dark as Ichigo did – not that Ichigo did a great job at it. Well, she'd always been able to see right through that act anyway so maybe she wasn't the best judge. The girls bought it though. She smirked behind her tea cup. _I wonder what the Strawberry thinks of Kons little entourage…_

Ichigo rolled across the floor in an office chair a little while later, Renji trailing lazily behind him in a chair of his own. Rukia wondered where they'd found the chairs, and why they were rolling around the music room in them, then realized something the boys had apparently forgotten.

"Are you done yet?" Ichigo whined, rolling up to her. He was draped backwards in the chair, nudging himself along with one foot. "Doesn't the club only last for an hour after class?"

Renji – who was slouched in his chair, pushing himself along backwards – rolled up behind him and grunted his agreement. "Yeah, we're bored, lets go do something fun."

Rukia just stared at them, her eyes flicking to the mass of girls huddled behind Hunny and Mori. She wasn't quite sure how to respond, luckily, she didn't have to.

"Mori-kun? Where'd those chairs come from!? Why are they moving on their own?" One of the girls whimpered.

Rukia grinned as Renji and Ichigo realized their mistake. Just because no one could see them didn't mean they couldn't see the chairs. Their eyes bugged out of their heads.

"Nice going!" Renji snapped, carefully standing so as not to move the chair anymore.

"What? It was your idea!" Ichigo snapped back, spinning the chair around to look at him.

"Quit moving the chair, idiot! And I just suggested bothering Rukia."

Ichigo rolled his eyes then climbed to his feet. "Yeah, but you were the one who didn't want to get up."

"The chairs were your idea!"

"You went along with it!"

Rukia bit her lip as they got louder. She couldn't exactly intervene… stupid idiots. She would be content to let them argue since only herself, Tamaki and Kon could hear them, but arguments between Ichigo and Renji rarely stayed civil – heck, they didn't even consider it a proper argument if it didn't come to blows.

She swept her indigo eyes around the room; unfortunately, everyone had noticed the chairs rolling around. Tamaki fidgeted a short distance away, in the same boat she was. Kon ambled over, smirking. This gave her an idea, it might make things worse, or it might make things _hilariously_ worse. Wiping an evil grin off of her face, she set her expression to damsel-in-distress and hurried over to Kon.

"What is it Kurosaki-kun? Is the room haunted?" She gasped, clinging to his blazer. The fangirls gasped as she made physical contact with him.

Kon nearly jumped out of his skin. "Nee-sa…? I mean… uh. Yes, yes the room is haunted."

"Are you sure?" She snuggled closer, half hiding her face in his chest, mostly to muffle the laughter that was bubbling out of her.

Kon wrapped an arm protectively around her, his voice took on a vaguely haunted tone, as if he'd seen this sort of thing before, giving his fangirls a glimpse into his inner world. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure."

They ate it up; were alternately jealous of, and envious of Rukia. They settled on envious after a very quick conversation; none of them really had the guts to approach the "bad boy" just yet.

_Perfect!_ Rukia stifled a giggle. Three, two, one…

"What the hell are you doing!? Kon, get your hands offa her!"

"Uh, Ichigo that's not a good idea…"

Rukia braced herself as Kon seemed about to fall… she snapped her eyes open, felt a blush creeping up her cheeks as she realized that Ichigo was holding her now and that… that for some reason that made a difference. He pushed her back gently and gave her a weird look, his hands on her shoulders.

"Had to keep you two from tearing up the room." She muttered, then a bit louder, added a quiver to her voice. "What should we do Kurosaki-kun?"

And now he was in the hot seat. Ichigo blinked, glanced up at Renji (who was grinning like an idiot), swept his gaze around the room, at the large group of girls staring questioningly at him, and the smaller knot of girls staring starry eyed.

_Shit._ "Well, uh, there's not much we can do. But I don't think they mean any harm." Ichigo scowled at Renji. If he didn't stop grinning like that he was going to get his ass handed to him!

"Indeed! There's no need to worry!" Tamaki stepped foreword and gestured to the chairs. "I suspect the ghosts saw all of us having so much fun and wanted to join in!"

The girls shifted uneasily, murmured amongst themselves. Just when things started to settle down, Renji got a little glint in his eye. "Better make this good guys!"

Rukia snapped her head around just in time to see Renji place his hands on the backs of the chairs, spin them so that they were both facing foreword, then pushed them back to the staging room at a run. Silently cursing him, Rukia gritted her teeth and buried her head in Ichigos chest. He nearly jumped out of his skin but wrapped his arms around her almost reflexively.

"Uh, Rukia, what're you doing?" He hissed as excited conversation engulfed the room, as everyone dispersed to investigate or hide.

"Playing the damsel in distress." She ground out, taking note of the fact that he hadn't let go of her yet.

"Got that. _Why_?"

She grinned and looked up. "You ruin my afternoon, I ruin yours. You get to entertain Kons guests until the end of the day now."

All of the color drained out of his face. "You're kidding me…"

"There's still a good half an hour left." Rukia said softly, taking a step back, letting her hands linger on his chest for a moment as she blushed and looked down, watching the fangirls out of the corner of her eye. There were more of them now. "Thank you, Kurosaki-kun."

She scampered back to her sketchbook, stifling a deranged giggle.

Ichigo watched her go, he wasn't sure if he should whimper and run away or follow her and yell at her. Apparently, Kons guests interpreted his expression far differently and were suddenly huddled together a meter away and inching closer.

"You're so brave, Kurosaki-kun!"

"Are you secretly in love with Kuchiki-san?"

"How do you know so much about ghosts?"

Ichigo stared at them, his eye twitching as he fought the urge to run away screaming. Half an hour, he could brood for half an hour, Kon was basically ignoring them right? He could do that.

"Rukia-san? You're not going to join us?" One of the girls asked.

She smiled sweetly. "Oh no, that's alright. I think I'll draw with Hunny-senpai some more!"

Before Ichigo could muster up a death glare, the girls edged closer. "Poor Kurosaki-kun! No wonder you're so sad…"

Ichigo winced as the girls closed in on him. Rukia was _so_ dead.

* * *

Rukia had to keep from giggling every time the girls inched closer to Ichigo, who would then inch away – he was wedged in the corner of one of the couches. Thus far none of the girls had dared to move to the couch yet. She supposed it was a tad cruel to do that to him; he was seriously clueless when it came to girls and this wasn't helping. It was also terribly entertaining. It didn't get any better than Ichigo pretending to be Kon pretending to be Ichigo (and failing miserably). She made a mental note to make it up to him later. Maybe let him win a (very) small argument, or… well she'd figure something out.

After about ten minutes, Haruhi apparently felt sorry for him and decided to give him some back up. That or she was avoiding running to the store to buy more instant coffee (her guests had to leave early). Rukia wasn't entirely sure. She could just hear them over the soft giggles of the girls drawing with she and Hunny (he had drawn Rukia as a bunny, much to her delight (_so_ going on the fridge). It was interesting to note how the fangirls reacted to Haruhi sitting quite casually on the couch a polite distance from Ichigo; they were curious, to say the least.

"Why did you decide to apply to Ouran, Kurosaki-kun?" One of the girls asked.

"Uh…"

"Didn't you say it was your Dads idea?" Haruhi asked.

"Yeah." Ichigo confirmed slowly.

"But you don't want to be here do you, Kurosaki-kun?" A different girl all but growled, eyeing Ichigo like a predator eyes prey. Rukia made a mental note to keep an eye on that one.

"No." He snorted, somehow managing to keep his cool as he pressed himself deeper into the couch cushions. The conversation stayed on that thread but, curiously no one asked why he was giving the Host Club a shot. It occurred to Rukia a bit belatedly that _that_ would ruin the fun. It just made her fun better though; she realized that no actual "bad boy" would be caught dead in a club like this, which meant that the girls already knew Ichigo wasn't as bas ass as he liked people to think (admitably he _could_ be, when he needed to), which meant whatever image he was trying to project was already effectively ruined. It was the burn that just kept on burning! It was only a matter of time before he figured it out, then her revenge would be complete!

She resisted the urge to cackle maniacally as she began coloring in her picture of Hunny as a bunny. Then things took an interesting turn…

"So, what does your mom think?"

Rukia started, snapped her gaze up just in time to watch Ichigos mood shift just slightly. It was impossible to tell from his expression, which was a carefully crafted mask of indifference but she could see it in his eyes, even from this distance.

"My Mom died when I was nine." His tone was far too neutral. Rukia bit her lip, almost got up to bail him out…

"Mine died when I was six." Haruhi said softly after a slight pause.

There was a longer pause wherein Haruhi and Ichigo regarded one another curiously. Then the fangirls started to gush as the "Bad Boy" and the "Natural" seemed to have found some common ground. Tragic common ground to boot. Tamaki emerged slowly over the back of the couch, only his hair and eyes were visible as he shifted his gaze suspiciously between Ichigo and Haruhi.

"That's part of why I came to this school." Haruhi continued. Weather or not she was aware of it, she'd just gotten sparkly. "I'm going to be a lawyer like her."

Rukia felt her jaw drop as Ichigo smiled faintly. Then his expression changed to mild puzzlement. "This may be an odd question, but is your dad completely insane?"

Haruhi blinked. "Yes, actually."

"I'm not crazy!" Tamaki yelped, jumping up.

"You're also not my father." Haruhi countered flatly.

Tamaki looked stricken. He was down in a heartbeat, huddled in the furthest corner, shadows gathered about his hunched form.

Ichigo half turned to look over the back of the couch. "Wow. You need to show me how to do that."

Haruhi burst out laughing.

The fangirls looked a bit confused.

Rukia dropped the marker she'd been holding. He really _did_ make her laugh! He'd said he had… and logically she knew that Ichigo _could_ be funny (usually not on purpose), and Tamaki was an easy target but – the hell?!

"Is something wrong, Rukia-san?"

Rukia let her gaze drift back to the three girls sitting with them. She blinked cluelessly. "Oh, nothing…I think Hell just might have frozen over just now."

"I'm kind of surprised you haven't already." Haruhi gave him a quizzical look.

Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "Well, I've been mean to him, but I don't think he's really fazed by that…"

The twins slowly rose above the back of the couch, shifted their gaze between Ichigo and Haruhi, exchanged glances, then disappeared again, only to materialize by Tamaki.

"Not really." Haruhi shook her head. "Hmm. You know, I really don't know how to send him to his corner… it just kind of happens." She shrugged.

"Huh." Ichigo grunted. "Well, figure it out if you can. I need something to counteract the Puppy Eyes." He shuddered.

Haruhi sighed. "Nothing can counteract the puppy eyes."

"Seriously?"

"Even Kyoya-senpai is powerless against them."

Ichigo straightened up. "Whoa…"

When Tamaki rose above the back of the couch again, he was armed with the Puppy Eyes and they were directed at Ichigo. Behind him, the twins grinned evilly.

Ichigo yelped and nearly jumped out of his skin, fell off the couch. "Damnit! Don't _do_ that!"

"Wan!" Tamaki woofed happily, inching closer.

Ichigo twitched rather spectacularly, scrambled to his feet and ran for his life. Rukia let out a relieved sigh. That was more like it.

"It's a sure sign that it's almost the end of the day," Hunny commented.

Rukia looked across the table at him. "What do you mean, Hunny-senpai?"

"Tama-chan and the twins start to get rowdy towards the end of the day, and it's usually over Haruhi-chan. It's kinda interesting that they decided to let Ichi-chan play too." Hunny never looked up from his drawing.

"Aa," Mori agreed.

"Don't call me that!" Ichigo snapped as he ran past, Tamaki bouncing along happily in his wake with the twins slinking behind in a most sinister manner.

Rukia narrowed her eyes, watched the Ouran idiots chase the orange haired idiot around the room. "Is this a strange form of acceptance?"

"Ah huh!" Hunny beamed.

"What the hell are you idiots doing? I'm tryin' to sleep back here!" Renji shouted. No one else reacted, which lead Rukia to believe that he hadn't opted to inhabit his gigai just yet (she couldn't see that side of the room from here).

"Whoa! That kid has some freaky eyes! Run Ichigo! Run for your life!"

"Shaddup!"

* * *

A/N: Ph33r teh puppy eyes!

Edit: Few small edits. EDIT!


	5. The Sound of All Hell Breaking Loose

DISCLAIMER: Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite, Ouran High School Host Club belongs to Bisco Hatori. I like pie.

A/N: Bonus chapter! Yaaaaay!

* * *

**Chapter 5: That, My Friend, is the Sound of All Hell Breaking Loose**

Kyoya rounded them up once he deemed that enough energy had been burned off. Tamaki grumbled as he made his way back to his guests. At least Kyoya had enough place of mind to give Haruhi something to do, keep her away from Ichigo. It wasn't that he thought Ichigo might try to take advantage of her, it was both of them were clueless in so many of the same ways that something was bound to happen. A small part of him realized that this particular bit of logic was off by a longshot but he chose to dismiss that little voice.

That little voice would not be subdued, however. When it piped up a second time, it caused the grumpy scowl to melt off his face, his expression turning into something more thoughtful. That _was_ an interesting bit of interaction between Ichigo and Rukia earlier. He knew she was simply playing the damsel in distress but there was no mistaking the blush she wore when Ichigo took his body back (now there was an odd thought). She'd been perfectly fine when she'd been hanging on to Kon, although she'd had a hard time keeping her laughter quiet.

Then of course, there was Ichigos reaction to Kon holding Rukia – definitely a bit of territorial behavior there. Very interesting. Tamaki gave the voice that one; although Ichigo and Haruhi had a bit in common, and seemed to have hit it off, there wasn't anything to worry about.

Something roared in the near distance, causing Tamaki to freeze in his tracks, a cold chill creeping its way down his spine. He swallowed and flicked his blue eyes to Ichigo, who had just straightened up out of his uncomfortable slouch (he'd been sent back to his guests as well). Rukia stood abruptly, making her apologies as she headed towards the staging area which Renji had just dashed out of. She threw a glance at Ichigo as she went, their eyes met for a moment. It was kind of surreal, Tamaki observed, almost like an entire conversation passed between the two in one glance. Interesting indeed.

Suddenly, Ichigo was off the couch. "Souh!" He barked, sliding across the floor, scooping up a little green pill that had been forgotten in the shuffle.

"What? Was that a –" A second roar rattled the window panes. Tamaki felt himself go pale, he wasn't sure what was worse; knowing that there was a monster out there, or being the only person in the room who knew it (aside from the shinigami). Ichigo met his gaze with a fierce glint in his brown eyes; all evidence of the nervous, awkward boy were gone. It was a good thing Renge wasn't here today.

"Get everyone out of here!" He pointed towards the door with one hand, wiping that little green pill off on his shirt with the other. "Lead them out the back, take the emergency exit. K - I'll bring up the rear." And then he was dashing back to the staging area, passing Rukia and Renji as he went.

"We'll meet you outside!" Renji grunted to him as they passed.

"Tamaki-san! Stay close to Kon!" Rukia instructed before she darted out the doors her dark kimono fluttering, Renji hot on her heels.

The temperature in the room dropped a bit as Ichigo bolted past, already lifting that oversized sword off his back, the white ribbon slipping free to allow sunlight to glint along its keen edge. Then Tamaki felt the flair of reiatsu, a dark, twisted thing that he was sure was far too close. He started to turn his head towards the window…

"Come on!" Kon slid in front of him, blocking his view outside.

"What's wrong Tamaki-senpai?" Some of the girls asked.

Tamaki opened his mouth to reply but Kon butted in, doing the best Ichigo impression he'd seen yet. "Ghosts, bad ones. We have to get out _now_!"

There was something in his voice, in his eyes, in the set of his jaw that brought the fangirls to their knees, swooning even as they shook in fear. It set off the rest of the girls too, set them to murmuring.

"This way." Mori said, calmly leading the way. The girls crowded around he and Hunny, who had slid into his karate mode. The room was all but empty moments later, the twins and Kyoya having evacuated with the girls.

"There's really something bad isn't there?" Haruhis voice had an uncharacteristic quiver to it. Tamaki wondered for a wild instant if she could sense this… wait...

"What… what are you still doing here!?" Tamaki blurted, suddenly realizing that she hadn't evacuated yet. He reached out and shook her gently. "Haruhi!? We have to leave now!"

"We should have left two minutes ago," Kon sighed, shoving them away from the windows. Not a moment too soon; Ichigo crashed through the window a split second later in a rain of shattered glass. He rolled, bounced upright and slid to a stop… two feet off the ground. Tamaki clung to Haruhi (whom he'd snatched out of the way just in time) as the shinigami regained his composure, stepped lightly to the floor as if he'd simply been on a stair, cursing vehemently under his breath. He looked around then trotted back to the wall, yanked his sword free of where it had gotten stuck with a casual jerk.

"What the hell are you idiots still doing in here?" He barked as he spotted them huddled behind a pillar.

"We were making sure everyone was out…" Tamaki muttered lamely.

"That's… that's Ichigo-san isn't it?" Haruhi asked, squinting.

Ichigo straightened up. "Crap, not her too." He sighed, shouldering is sword and stalking back to the windows. "Really need to learn to suppress my spirit pressure or somethin' 'cause this is just getting ridiculous…"

"Can you see him, Haruhi?" Tamaki asked. He had two reasons; one was the obvious, the other… well… Ichigo had lost a good portion of his gi when he came through the window; while not seriously hurt, one now had a very good view of his rather impressive musculature. Tamaki had a swimmers build, he was not without muscle, but the shorter boy had that whole rugged thing going on that was, frankly, worrisome.

"Not… not really. I mean, I almost see something…" Haruhi shook her head. "I just get the sense that he's there."

"It's a start." Kon sighed.

Ichigo shoved Kon in their direction. "Get them out of here!"

"Right! Right! Sorry! Geeze, somebody's cranky today…"

"ICHIGO!!!"

Everyone snapped their heads up; there was a hollow in the window. A big one. "Shit!" Ichigo snapped appearing between Tamaki, Haruhi, Kon, and the window, sword at the ready.

They could barely take two steps before the hollow reached a massive hand in. It snarled as it was met with the shinigamis sword, was unable to push past it. Ichigo let out a feral cry and pushed, flinging the hollow back before disappearing again, out the window, presumably.

Tamaki had known he was strong but _that_ was insane. The next thing he knew, he was running down the hallway, Haruhi ahead of him, Kon darting along beside him, running almost effortlessly. Kon caught Haruhi as she stumbled, got her back on her feet without breaking stride. "Thanks!" She panted.

"No prob!"

And then… "Whoa! Hold it!" Kon yelped, snagging Haruhis collar and pulling her back, letting her fall into Tamaki who had also felt the flare of reiatsu and had started to stop. The temporary soul placed himself between the Ouran students and a rip in reality. A small hollow poked its head out. Before Tamaki could blink, Kon had struck, kicking it squarely in the face. The monster let out a surprised squeal and darted back into the rip in reality. The space ahead of them rippled once then smoothed over, back to normal.

They were running again a moment later, back the way they'd come; a much bigger hollow had lumbered down the hallway, one too big for Kon to deal with, apparently. For a few minutes, all they knew was the blur of hallways, the cries of hollows and far too many stairs to count. Finally they found themselves outside. Haruhi darted into the hedge maze; there were plenty of places to hide there. For hiding was their only option now, the hollows had herded them into the rear courtyard of the school – where the shinigami were in the midst of battle with a massive hollow. There was no safe way out.

Tamaki was almost instantly lost but Haruhi seemed to know where she was going. The maze was confusing enough as it was but it was even more so with trampled patches, swaths of melting ice and small, sizzling craters.

"Keep going! I'll catch up!" Kon shouted as a hollow roared far too close, he changed direction with grace and speed that Tamaki could only envy, was out of sight a split second later. Tamaki caught up to Haruhi easily, his longer legs enabling him to keep pace with her with little effort.

"Left!" She yelped, skittering around a corner…

Tamaki wasn't sure where the burst of speed came from but he didn't question it; shifted his weight back into a baseball-slide, knocking Haruhi off her feet as he brought his right hand up and screamed. The hollow that she'd almost run smack into reared back as blue white light shot from his hand. The hollow took a few startled steps back, shaking its horned head furiously, trying to escape the little rivulets of energy that crawled over its skin.

Tamaki scrambled back. "What the -!?"

"Huh!?" Haruhi yelped, scrambling with him.

"It's kidou! Try it again!"

Tamaki didn't risk glancing back, he knew Rukia was behind him. "What!? I can't I –"

"Nevermind!" The dark haired shinigami swept in, deftly dispatched the hollow before it could recover. She half turned, bright red blood marred her perfect white blade but it dissolved quickly.

"Why are you two here? Where's Kon?"

"Hollows herded us out here! And, there was a hollow behind us so Kon -"

"Damn!" She spat, leaping away, presumably to help Kon. "Find some cover!"

Tamaki stared a the space she'd just been in, then shifted his gaze down to his hands. "How'd I do that?"

"Is – is it safe now? Did Rukia-san say it was safe?" Haruhi asked, climbing cautiously to her feet.

"Uh, yeah – er no, I mean, not really. We need to hide."

Haruhi nodded and offered a hand to him. He took it happily, let her pull him to his feet.

* * *

Rukia wasn't sure if it was lucky, or unlucky that Tamaki had managed to defend himself just now. On the one hand, yes; for she wouldn't have been able to pinpoint his location had he not, on the other no – his spirit pressure was stronger now, he'd be easier for anyone to find, hollows especially. Then again, the hollows didn't seem to have trouble finding him in the first place, were actively hunting him down. What the hell was going on here? She was sure he wasn't particularly strong, certainly not worth the attention he was getting now.

A slash of baby blue and orange caught her eye, made her change direction mid air. Raising Sode no Shirayuki over her head, she came down full force, slicing the hollow neatly in two. Kon slumped gratefully to the ground, breathing hard.

"Thanks Nee-san!"

She nodded. "Tamaki and Haruhi are back that way, try not to get separated. Tamaki can perform kidou on instinct and his spirit pressure spiked."

"Oh lovely." Kon grunted, climbing to his feet, dusting off his pants. "Don't suppose you have time to teach him a couple spells so he doesn't hurt himself?"

Rukia shook her head. "Sorry."

"Didn't think so. Well, be careful Nee-san!"

"You too!"

They darted away from one another, Kon towards the Ouran students, Rukia back towards the main battle. She didn't feel right leaving them alone over here but the main event was proving difficult. It was quite large, it wasn't particularly intelligent but it was absurdly fast for its size. And more hollows were coming by the minute, making them hesitant to release any seriously powerful attacks - especially since they'd likely demolish the school. Rukia had seen Soul Society do some fast work but it was unlikely that they'd be able to rebuild the school before anyone noticed it had been demolished.

She arrived just in time to nearly be taken out by a cero. Dodging at the last moment, she found herself wedged upside down in a tree.

"Oh that's it…" She heard Ichigo snap from somewhere up ahead.

"Oi! Don't go bankai! I'm going bankai!" Renji replied from somewhere to her left.

"Shut up! I'm ending this now!"

"No way, I'm ending this now!"

Rukia sighed. She really ought to end this now… she smirked as she imagined the look on their faces if she released bankai. And she was so close too… Twisting, she broke loose, tucked into a summersault then landed in a crouch. Drawing her zanpakutou, she charged, unleashing a wave of ice that completely engulfed the lower half of the hollow. It let out a piercing cry and started chipping away at the ice.

"Listen up!" She barked, catching Ichigos eye. "Ichigo, release bankai and take care of the rest of the hollows – there's more than we thought and they're still coming; Renji and I will keep this one busy!"

He opened his mouth to argue, scowled deeply, then nodded.

"And try not to cause any more damage then we already have!" She added as he flash stepped himself out of range.

There was a duel flare of energy as both men unleashed bankai. Just as she'd suspected, another wave of hollows swept in. Locking gazes with Renji, Rukia rose Sode no Shirayuki and charged as Zabimaru darted out, latching itself onto the hollows forearm, yanking it around, forcing it to turn its back on Rukia.

"Second dance…!"


	6. Friendly Neighborhood Shinigami

DISCLAIMER: _Bleach_ belongs to Kubo Tite, _Ouran High School Host Club_ belongs to Bisco Hatori. I like pie.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Friendly Neighborhood Shinigami**

The world slowed down.

It didn't really, Ichigo knew, but when he was moving this fast, it certainly felt like it. He was a little irritated with not being able to fight with Rukia and Renji but Rukia was right; he was the only one fast enough to take out all of the incoming hollows before they spread out, or ganged up – whatever it was they were trying to do. He still kept an eye on them as he went; none of these smaller hollows were difficult – especially at this speed, there were just a lot of them. In fact, now that he thought about it, they were popping up not unlike the souls had been the past few days.

Before he could start to make connections, however, he caught sight of a hollow hovering over the hedge maze, Kon, Tamaki and Haruhi crouched in its shadow. Swearing violently, Ichigo slashed almost absently, took out the hollow he'd been in pursuit of then changed direction. The hollow over the maze never knew what hit it.

"What the fuck are you three still doing here!?" He roared, landing, then marching over to the trio of idiots as the world resumed its normal speed.

"People keep asking us that…" Kon drawled, rolling his eyes.

"The hollows herded us out here!" Tamaki snapped, throwing his hands in the air, flailing wildly. "We've tried running, we've tried hiding – they just keep coming!"

Ichigo growled and massaged his temples. "Kon, I told you to –"

"They're after Tamaki." Kon sighed. "They won't leave him alone."

"Ichigo-san?" Haruhi panted. She didn't look good.

"Yeah." Tamaki nodded.

He glared at the mod soul for a moment then shifted his gaze to the scared, angry and clearly exhausted blonde. Sighing, he listened to the battle for a moment, taking note of reiatsu levels… "Alright, I'll get you out of here myself. I'm gonna clear a path, Kon, you bring up the rear."

"As usual." He sighed.

"Come on Haruhi," Tamaki grunted, stooping to lift her off the ground, where she'd been trying to catch her breath. After a short pause he lifted her into his arms.

"Tamaki-senpai!?"

"Can you run anymore?"

She sighed and rested her head against his chest. "Probably not." She grumbled.

Tamaki nodded, took two steps and collapsed to his knees. Ichigo growled, ground his teeth together then knelt. "Alright, change of plans. Lemme have her."

Tamaki stared at him.

"Look, if the hollows are just after you, Fujioka should be safe once she's away from here. There's a fast food place a few blocks over, I'll take her there."

"What? What's going on?" Haruhi asked, climbing shakily to her feet. She reached a hand out, waved it around and found Ichigos shoulder, leaned on it for support. She blinked those big brown eyes of hers and slowly looked down, to where her hand was resting on thin air.

Tamaki stood as well. "Ichigo-san is going to take you to safety."

"What? How – ah!" Haruhi yelped as Ichigo scooped her up, shifting the grip on his sword (where'd he get that one anyway… and wasn't Renge wearing that outfit yesterday?) so he didn't accidentally take off any limbs.

"Ichigo-san?" Haruhi instinctively grabbed his jacket, looked up, trying so hard to see.

"Yeah, it's me." He sighed, even though he knew she couldn't hear him. "She'll be fine. I'll be back in a sec…"

And then they were gone.

* * *

Haruhi was not prone to motion sickness, but something about being a few dozen meters in the air, being carried by someone she couldn't see (but could most certainly feel – no wonder Tamaki and the twins had been so worked up over her talking with him, they were pretty, but they didn't have a snowballs chance in hell of ever taking him on), moving… she didn't even want to know how fast, set her stomach a rolling.

Then, almost as quickly as it started it was over, she found herself sitting on a bench outside of MacDonald's which she knew to be at least two kilometers from school. Shaking, she looked down at a napkin in front of her; a quick message was scrawled out on it in Ichigos handwriting;

"Should be safe now. In case of hollow: 555-0150."

She blinked, realizing with a faint shutter that he'd just left, that that unbelievable pressure on her head was gone. Digging her cell phone out of her pocket, she quickly added the number to speed-dial. Rising clumsily from the bench, she tucked the napkin into her blazer and staggered inside to order a drink. "I wonder how they'll react if they find out he gave me his number…"

* * *

Tamaki stared at the space they'd just been in. Kon whistled. "I knew Ichigo had achieved bankai but I've never seen him do it before. Damn he's fast!"

Tamaki sat back down, sure that, for the moment, they were free of hollows. "How fast is he?"

"Hmmm. That's a tough one…"

"Okay, she's safe. She doesn't get motion sickness does she? 'Cause she was looking a little green… I tried to slow down a little but, you know… force of habit…"

"Gaaah!" Tamaki keeled over as Ichigo flickered in just then, landing lightly in a crouch.

He winced. "I kinda didn't think about it, but she's never flash-stepped before and doesn't really have any spiritual powers so that probably did a number on her stomach."

Tamaki just stared at him. "How far did you take her?"

"To that MacDonald's… about five steps… I mean… two or three kilometers over there." Ichigo jerked a thumb over his shoulder.

"It only took you like, a minute…?" Tamaki squeaked.

"Well, I figured it'd be a good idea to write a note. Oh, Kon, gimme my cell, I left her my number in case a hollow shows up."

Kon fished a slim black cell phone out of his pocket then tossed it to the shinigami. "It's not like you can talk to her."

"I won't even answer, I just have to check the ID to know something's up."

"Ah."

"You gave her your number!?" Tamaki yelped, suddenly springing back to life.

Ichigo blinked cluelessly. "Yeah…"

Tamaki went through various shades of red before finally settling on something edging towards purple. "Daddy… Daddy will allow it just this once… but after all of this is over you will no longer be on her buddy list!"

"Oookaaaay…" Ichigo and Kon exchanged glances. "Actually, you get it too, I'm sending you to investigate something."

"Oh really?" Tamaki suddenly reverted back to normal… or as normal as he ever was anyway.

"Yeah, I realized something on the way back from MacDonald's… anyway you get to go and see what's happening with the Black Magic Club."

"…"

"Whoa! Did he just flash-step!?" Ichigo yelped, jumping back as Tamaki zoomed over to a handy corner, shadows gathered over his hunched form.

Kon scratched his head. "Maybe. Er, Tamaki-san? Can you hand me your phone?"

"Not going up there." He pouted.

"Come on, they can't be any worse than those hollows."

"Just shows what you know."

"But if they're up to something, shouldn't we stop it?"

"You go, I'll stay here."

Kon ground his teeth together. "Damnit you stupid idiot -!"

"What if Nekozawa is behind all of this?"

Tamaki started as Kon and Ichigo swiveled around. The twins were leaning nonchalantly against a tree, Mori, Hunny and Kyoya lurking a tad nervously behind them.

"What if more monsters come and one of them finds Haruhi."

Tamaki twitched again, letting out a faint squeak.

"Haruhi will just have to call Ichigo-san to come and rescue her." Kaoru sighed. "Kind of romantic really…"

Tamaki stood, spun around, then struck a heroic pose. "Host Club Assemble!"

"Sir!" The twins beamed.

Kyoya sighed and tapped his glasses. "What's the plan?"

"Karou, Hikaru, gear up. Kyoya, get everything appropriate from the cosplay closet. Mori-senpai, Hunny-senpai, start planning the battle. Kon-san, tell them what they need to know."

"Sir!" Kon saluted.

"Tamakis cell number." Kyoya said, handing a dumbfounded Ichigo a slip of paper.

"Oh, ah, yeah. Here's mine." He shoved a hand in his pocket – "Wait, you can see me?"

Kyoya didn't flinch, those cold eyes of his searching the immediate vicinity. Ichigo shuttered. Kyoya'd never actually handed him the paper, he'd just held it out, Ichigo'd grabbed it out of habit. Shaking his head, Ichigo found the spare napkin he'd grabbed and shoved it into the bespectacled boys hand. Kyoya looked down at the napkin and smiled faintly. "A very curious phenomena, this."

Ichigo backed away from them. "Well, I'm going to go keep cleaning up."

"Ah, yes, good hunting Ichigo-san!" Tamaki flashed him a dazzling smile then started back towards the school at a jog.

Ichigo leapt, spotted a knot of hollows heading this way and zoomed towards them. "Wait, how'd they know…?"

* * *

A/N: Hmmm. This one ended up kinda short. :P


	7. Black Magic

DISCLAIMER: _Bleach_ belongs to Kubo Tite, _Ouran High School Host Club_ belongs to Bisco Hatori. I like pie. My apologies to H.P. Lovecraft. ;)

* * *

**Chapter 7: Black Magic**

"How did you know what we were talking about?" Tamaki panted as they raced down Ourans deserted hallways. They'd pulled out their medieval European knight set, were in full costume armor complete with prop swords – it would have no effect against hollows but classmates would certainly take a beating, if need be.

"Easy. Who else sends you into your corner that fast but Nekozawa?" Karou panted.

"Oh yeah…"

Despite the dire situation, Kon was bouncing along ahead of them, his armor clanking merrily. He really enjoyed the cosplay, he really, really did. "I don't want it to be over yet!" He sighed. "I don't what to have to go back to Karakura! This place is so wonderful!"

"Even with the monsters?" Hunny asked.

"Nee-san is taking care of that right now. After they're done, there shouldn't be any hollows here. No more than usual I mean."

"There's _usually_ hollows?" Tamaki gulped.

"A few. What do you think shinigami do all day?" Kon shrugged.

Conversation ceased as they approached the hall that contained the much dreaded chem lab. Slowing to a trot, then an apprehensive stalk, they made their way as stealthily as possible down the shadowy corridor. It was far more sinister than Tamaki remembered. They must be in there.

Approaching the door, Kon and Hunny positioned themselves on either side, the rest of the club drew their prop swords and readied themselves for a charge. Hunny nodded to Kon, who then leapt out and kicked the door in, then bolted inside, Hunny hot on his heels and Mori loping in sedately.

Understandably, Tamaki was last. By the time he scooched in the door, the rest of the club was wreaking havoc… mostly chasing the Black Magic Club around, flailing wildly. Nekozawa was nowhere to be seen. "He isn't in here!" He yelped.

All motion ceased.

"Really?" Asked Kon, scratching his head with a free hand as the other held a short boy by the cloak.

"I dunno what I did but I'm sorry!" The boy sobbed.

"Where is your President?" Kyoya asked. He was riding shepherd over the twins, who had cornered a trio of cloaked figures.

"He went to the bathroom." One of the cloaked figures whimpered. She hugged her arms to her chest.

One snorted and pulled her hood back. "What are you idiots doing anyway? It's not like you to raid other clubs, although the costumes make sense."

"What are _you_ up to?" Knowing that Nekozawa wasn't around at the moment gave Tamaki a boost of confidence. He strode into the center of the room, swept his cape back dramatically and inspected the cauldron resting there. It had a rather odd vibe about it.

"You wouldn't even be able to comprehend what rites we're performing." The bold girl scoffed.

Kon sighed and twisted the short boys arm around.

"Ooowww!"

"Answer the mans question."

"Aaack! We're summoning something!" The boy yelped.

"Daisuke!" The girl hissed.

"What kind of something?" Kon asked, adjusting his grip slightly.

"I dunno it – aaahh! A… a Horrow!"

"Horrow?" The twins echoed, exchanging dumbfounded looks. "What the hell is that?"

"Do you mean… hollow…?" Tamaki asked.

"I don't know!" Daisuke sobbed. Kon let him go, he immediately scampered over to where the other three club members were being held.

"Engrish?" The mod soul asked.

"Yeah. It's gotta be." Tamaki nodded. "Can you summon a hollow?"

"Um… well, sorta." Kon shifted his weight. "They're attracted to high spirit energy, so it is possible to bait them." He shuffled over and inspected the contents of the cauldron. "But, this won't do it."

"Of course not, that's just the catalyst."

Tamaki felt a cold chill creep up his spine at that voice, that horrible voice…

"Ah, there you are, Nekozawa-senpai." Karou said, leaning casually against his brother.

"Mind telling us what you've been doing the past week?" Hikaru added.

Nekozawa simply chuckled. "Research."

"What's up with the cat puppet?" Kon asked, quirking a brow.

Tamaki felt his hair fuzz up as he dashed to the shorter boys side. "Shhhh! Don't make him mad!"

"Why, this is Bereznoff," Nekozawa smiled, the candlelight briefly illuminating one blue eye hidden in the deepest depths of his hood. "My helper and friend."

"Okay." Kon gave Tamaki an appraising look. "You're afraid of this guy?"

"Terrified!"

"Ooookay…"

"It seems, Nekozawa-senpai, that whatever it is you've been doing here has been causing problems." Kyoya said coolly.

"Yes, the spirits are restless, aren't they Tamaki-san? Are you enjoying the company of the shinigami?"

Tamaki bolted out of the half crouch he'd been in. "You can see them!?"

"Of course! The ability to commune with the dead runs in my family."

Tamaki and Kon exchanged glances. "Well, then you should know that calling hollows here is a bad idea." Kon snapped.

Tamaki groaned. "You were sending the hollows after me weren't you?"

Nekozawa, or rather, Bereznoff tilted his head to the side. "…hollow?"

Everyone sweatdropped. Kon growled and marched over to a heavily curtained window, threw the curtain back. "Shutters?"

"Nekozawa-senpai cannot stand bright lights." The bold girl informed.

"Geeze you people are weird," Kon sighed. He opened the window and attempted to open the shutters but, apparently, they were nailed shut. Grumbling to himself, he hopped up onto the counter, prepared to kick.

"Don't bother, Kon-san, they're on the other side of the school, I believe." Kyoya tapped the hilt of his sword. "Besides, you don't want to owe Ouran money."

Kon paused. "Thought it was kinda quiet." He turned around and sat down on the counter. "Anyway, I was going to show you what a hollow is but it looks like I'm just going to have to tell you."

Before he could start, a blast of reiatsu welled out from below. Nekozawa cackled like a madman, Bereznoff rubbed his little paws together. "It's starting! Quickly! The container!"

The twins bristled, not allowing the rest of the Black Magic Club to pass although it was Hunnys dark look and Mori's stoic presence that truly kept them from advancing. Tamaki hid in the corner.

"You cannot stop me now, Tamaki-san!" Nekozawa crowed, pointing an accusing finger at the blonde as Bereznoff made spooky gestures with his paws. He bolted for a particular sink, drawing a strange, wooden object out of his robes. Tamaki felt the ambient reiatsu flare ominously. He poked his head above the desk he was wedged behind just in time to watch Kon do a double take.

"Where the hell did you get one of those?" He yelped, scrambling to catch up with the president of the Black Magic Club.

"I told you, my family has a long, proud history of communing with spirits!" Nekozawa snapped. He held the wooden object above the sink and placed a brass bowl over the drain. "And now…"

"Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!"

HIGH POWERED MOTOR!

"Renge-kun?" The Host Club gasped.

"Ho ho ho ho! Are you ready, Haruhi-san?"

"Yes!"

"Haruhi!?" The Host Club yelped.

"EVIL BEAM!" Renge crowed. Suddenly, the most blinding light anyone had ever seen erupted out of Renge and Haruhis hands, catching Nekozawa square in the chest. Actually they just had flashlights but they had the desired effect; Nekozawa screamed like a girl and ran away. Renge lunged after him, laughing crazily, flashlight in one hand, prop sword in the other. Haruhi hopped off the platform and shuffled to the wall, flicked the lights on. Everyone blinked back the glare, the Black Magic Club pulled the cowls of their hoods foreword (but otherwise seemed unfazed).

"That was brilliant!" Tamaki leapt to his feet. He had intentions of glomping her but froze. "Where'd you get the costume?"

"Renge-kun." She shrugged and straightened her hakama. She was wearing shinigami robes, the hilt of a prop sword stuck out of a scabbard at her waist; it was pure white. Kon suppressed a giggle and gave her a thumbs up.

"So, is that it?" Hikaru asked.

"I don't know…" Tamaki turned to Kon.

"Still a lot of restless reiatsu out there." He shrugged. "They may just need to clean up now or…"

Nekozawa ran back in, the lights went out as he passed. Renge slid in next and crashed into a desk. "Damn these sandals!" She hissed. "Absolutely no traction!"

"You have to use your toes, Renge-san." Haruhi offered helpfully, daintily placing a sandled foot down and wiggling her toes to demonstrate – not that you could really tell with the candlelight and those funny socks.

"So cute!" Tamaki gushed, dashing to the other side of the room and scooping Haruhi up into a hug.

"Gah! Tamaki-senpai!"

"What is that?" Kyoya asked, joining Kon by that particular sink.

"Its sort of like hollow bait, no ones used these in a long time." Kon said, turning the small wooden carving of a strange, winged, squid faced creature over in his hands. "They're supposed to be able to control hollows, but they don't work very well." He set it down on the counter and inspected the brass bowl. "No idea what this is for though."

"It's to focus the energy." Nekozawa grumbled. Renge had him by the back of the robe, flashlight to his head. His hood had fallen off, and his dark wig was slightly askew, revealing a few curious glimpses of golden blonde locks.

"Can you reverse this?" Kon asked, gesturing to the reiatsu that was swiftly filling the room.

"Uh…" Nekozawa shuffled a little awkwardly. "… I'm not sure."

"Not sure?" Haruhi asked, finally breaking free. She sidled over to the sink, wrinkled her nose. "This is so weird…"

"You can sense something, Fujioka-kun?" Nekozawa perked up, Bereznoff looked downright delighted.

"A little." She sighed and turned around, leaned against the counter, still tired from running helter skelter around the school. "All I know is that there's a lot of monsters out there right now. Do you have any idea what you're doing?"

"Of course! We're summoning a Horrow!"

"Hollow." The Host Club corrected flatly.

"They're a third level summoning monster in this book…" he dug around in his robes and produced a surprisingly large tome. Kyoya slid over to take a look at it.

"The _Necronomicon_…?"

"That sounds familiar," mused Kon. There was a rather ominous roar just then. Tamaki and Kon looked up.

"It's coming!" Nekozawa giggled, dancing a little jig.

"Shit on a stick… everyone get down!" Kon grabbed Haruhi and pulled her down with him, Tamaki dove under a desk. The rest of the occupants of the room hesitated until the sound of Ourans roof being ripped off reached their ears.

Wood and metal screamed, masonry crumbled, there was a rain of desks then sunlight and dust flooded the room. Against his better judgement, Tamaki opened his eyes. He locked gazes with Haruhi who was frozen in fear, wedged partway under the sink; Kon huddled next to her, his eyes bugging out.

_What's going on?_ He mouthed to Tamaki, pointing up.

Tamaki gulped and poked his head out to take a look. The biggest hollow he'd ever seen was looming above them, staring curiously down into the room. Letting out a vaguely amused sounding grumble, it slowly reached a massive hand down… directly towards Haruhi and Kon.

"Run!" Tamaki hissed, gesturing wildly.

Kon poked his head out and froze. "Menos grande…"

Tamaki was torn between keeping hidden and getting Haruhi out of there. Luckily, he didn't need to make that decision. The space in front of him warped and Ichigo was there.

"It's attracted to the reiatsu that's oozing out of that sink!" He snapped planting his feet and raising his blade over his head.

"So it would be wise to move after all…" Kon grunted, gesturing to Haruhi, who crawled out ahead of him.

"At least these things are stupid and slow…" Ichigo muttered. Slicing the hollows hand as it reached him. As the hollow inspected its bleeding hand, he teleported himself overhead, planted his feet on thin air.

"Getsuga Tenshou!" Blades of black energy blazed away from Ichigo as he swept his sword in an elegant arc. The attack hit the hollow square in the mask. It roared and stumbled back a few steps. As it did so, Ichigo launched himself off of whatever it was he was standing on up there and sped in for the final blow, slicing the hollow in two in a spray of dark blood that, thankfully, dissolved before it had the chance to hit anything.

He reappeared in the demolished classroom a moment later as the monster dissolved. "Damn thing oozes worse than me." He grunted, trotting over to inspect the sink Haruhi and Kon had been hiding under.

"Where's Nee-san!?" Kon asked, bouncing to his feet.

"She's still fighting the other hollow with Renji. Bastard just wont go down."

"Why aren't you helping?"

"I was, then the Menos showed up." Ichigo sighed. He scanned the room, his brown eyes rested on Nekozawa, who was staring at him wide eyed from beneath his hood. "You're kidding me – he can see me too?"

Tamaki nodded. "It runs in his family."

"I am honored, Shinigami-dono!" Nekozawa bowed low.

Ichigo gave him a weird look. "Er… yeah. Anyone hurt? That's lucky. Why is Haruhi back and wearing a shinigami uniform?"

"She came back with Renge-kun to help." Kon shrugged. "It was hilarious actually." The twins nodded in agreement.

Ichigo was quiet for a moment, stared at the sink then glanced back at Nekozawa. "So… what exactly were you doing in here?"

"Summoning a horro-"

"Hollow!" The Host Club corrected.

"- Hollow." Nekozawa shuffled a bit nervously.

"He doesn't know what a hollow is," Kon sighed. "Or, at least he didn't. Nekozawa, you know that big thing that Ichigo just pwned? _That_ was a hollow."

"Oh." Bereznoff nervously scratched the back of his head. "My bad."

Everyone groaned.

"Ah, if you don't mind me asking… are you two brothers?" Nekozawa, or rather, Bereznoff pointed at Ichigo and Kon.

"Something like that." Ichigo sighed. "Alright, can you reverse whatever it was you were doing? Or at least stop the flow of reiatsu?"

"The… what?"

Ichigos head dropped. "You know, this isn't my area, I'm gonna go switch with Rukia."

Everyone started crawling out of their hiding spaces as the shinigami flickered and disappeared. Tamaki sat on the desk he'd been under, Kon plopped down on a counter across from the sink in question

"What are you guys doing?" One of the black magic club members asked, the bold girl from before. She was still defiant but there was a definite quiver to her voice. "Shouldn't we be running in terror?"

"Ah, Ichigo-san just went to get Rukia-san. She should be here shortly." Tamaki gestured to the space that Ichigo had just occupied, then recalled that she hadn't seen him.

"I don't think we can get out of here anyway." Kon jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the interior wall. There was a lot of rubble blocking the door, most of it too large to move. He smirked. "Well, _I_ can get out of here, but you guys are stuck."

Ichigo flickered back into view then, Rukia perched on his back. Tamaki blinked a couple of times, surprised that Rukia couldn't move at ludicrous speed. "Ah, welcome back Rukia-san!"

"Nee-saaaan!" Kon made as if to glomp but Rukia cut him off with a look.

"No time. Alright, what have we here…" She hopped off Ichigos back and began inspecting the sink.

"Well, I'm gonna go back – "

"No, wait, I might need you for something." Rukia straightened up and rolled up her sleeves. "I know of a way to reverse this but I need a clear space around that pipe." She pointed to the capped pipe beneath the sink. "Which means the sink and counter have to go."

Ichigo gave her a flat look. "I'm a shinigami, not a plumber."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm going to demolish the sink, I just need your help clearing out the stubborn bits." She took a step back and rose her hands.

"Whoa! Whoa wait!" Ichigo stepped in front of her, gently pushed her back then dropped to his knees, reached a hand under the sink. "If you're gonna do what I think you're gonna do, I wanna make sure the gas and water's turned off first. Especially the gas."

Rukia blinked and watched him for a second. "I thought you said you weren't a plumber. And why would there be a gas line to the sink?"

"Bunsen Burners use the gas, Rukia-san." Tamaki informed.

Ichigo shot her a flat look then backed out from under the sink. "Water's off, and there isn't a gas line to this station. Go for it." He jogged around to the far side of the room, safely behind her. Tamaki gestured for everyone to back up.

"Hadou #31!" Rukia rose her hands again; a ball of red hot energy formed around her deceptively delicate hands. "Shot of red fire!"

Everyone ducked as the sink abruptly exploded. "Ah! Didn't need you after all!" Rukia said as the smoke cleared. There wasn't much left.

"That was a little scary." Kon commented.

"Yeah." Tamaki agreed.

"So, I can go?" Ichigo asked, poking his head out of his hiding place.

"Yep! We can get the rest!" Rukia beamed. Ichigo crouched then flickered out of sight. "Kon, help the Host Club clear a two meter radius around the sink. Nekozawa is it? Lets have a look at that book of yours."

Nekozawa, who was paler than usual (he was almost glowing from inside his hood) after watching the shinigami at work, nodded, eyes wide. Tamaki relayed the message to the club. The more cumbersome bits of armor were tossed into the wreckage and sleeves were rolled up as they set to work. Surprisingly, the Black Magic Club joined them.

"Oh, Tamaki-san…?"

"Yes, Rukia-san?" Tamaki half turned.

"Why is Haruhi-san dressed like me?"

"Renge-kun." He chuckled.

"Oh." She shook her head then began flipping through the _Necronomicon_.

* * *

A/N: That Nekozawa! ;) Oh yeah, in the Ouran manga, it's implied that there are several members in the Black Magic Club. To my knowledge they're never seen. Oh, and I figured that by the end of the SS arc, Ichigo could handle a Menos Grande since they're mostly just big, if Hitsugaya is to believed. 

Hitsugaya: That's Ca… oh you actualy called me Hitsugaya.

Me: Yep. Now begone, oh frosty one!

Hitsugaya: (eyeroll)


	8. Tag Team

DISCLAIMER: _Bleach_ belongs to Kubo Tite, _Ouran High School Host Club_ belongs to Bisco Hatori. I like pie. Kamo-chan's mine though. On noez! Original character cameo appearance! XD

* * *

**Chapter 8: Tag Team**

Reinforcements finally arrived. Ichigo heaved a sigh of relief as he spotted Ikkaku and Yumichika darting in for what would normally be a kill. It was like there was a force field around the hollows mask; nothing they did could split the damn thing and no amount of other injuries could down it for long. It had to be feeding off of that weird reiatsu that was flowing freely out of that pipe that was… well, they hadn't gotten a chance to see what, if anything, was under the school now. He made his way to the ground and plopped gratefully down on the grass next to Renji, who was sprawled there with a water bottle on his forehead, Zabimaru was coiled lazily off to the side, apparently watching the action.

"Rukia got it figured out?" Renji grunted.

"Starting to. She thinks she can get it contained but it might be a few minutes." Ichigo sighed, looking around for any more water bottles. "Where'd you get that?"

"Yumi brought it… Oi, Zabimaru!"

The zanpakutou twitched, a bottle of water came flying out of an ice chest that was resting by the massive bone snake. Ichigo caught it and unscrewed the cap, nodding his thanks to the zanpakutou before taking a drink.

They watched as Yumi and Ikkaku struggled with the hollow. The minutes stretched on, the battle raged, and no ground was made. It hadn't been lost either so that was alright. Except for the bit where they wanted to go home at some point.

After about ten minutes, Yumi joined them for a quick breather. "How long had you been fighting this thing?"

Renji scratched his jaw. "About… thirty, maybe forty minutes."

The flamboyant shinigami tisked. "Troublesome creature."

"No kidding." Ichigo snorted.

"I hate to admit it but we need a different kind of attack." He tapped his headset. "Yes, I'd like to request assistance from Suzuki Akane. No, that won't be necessary. Thank you."

"Kamo?" Renji chuckled. "Well, she'll definitely keep it off kilter."

"That's what I was thinking." Yumi sparkled a little.

"Who's coming?" Ichigo furrowed his brow.

"Officially, the only shinigami in the 11th with an energy based shikai." Renji quipped. "She's an odd duck."

Yumi giggled. "Renji, that's terrible!"

"Well, she is!"

Ichigo stared up at the sky as he thought back. "I don't remember any women in the 11th and I'm pretty sure I met everyone at one point or another."

"Ah, Kamo-chan was away when you turned everything upside down. She was very dismayed to discover that she missed all the action." Yumi stretched. "I think I'll go spoil some of Ikkakus fun."

"I think I'll join you." Renji grunted, climbing to his feet and hefting Zabimarus hilt.

"Yeah, may as well jump back in there." Ichigo rose as well.

* * *

"Is she drawing a Transmutation Circle?" Karou asked as they piled the last of the debris in the center of the classroom. Tamaki glanced up from where he'd been carefully balancing a desk; looked at the twin, then at the shinigami who was drawing designs in chalk around the capped pipe. Nekozawa hovered over her shoulder, watching curiously.

"Ah, looks like. Rukia-san, is that a Transmutation Circle?"

"Huh?" She didn't look up.

"You know, like in _Fullmetal Alchemist_?" Kon added helpfully. He was standing - well, more like sitting with his feet dangling over the edge of the shattered roof – watch overhead.

"Sounds familiar." Rukia grunted.

"I thought Karin-chan had the manga." Kon mused.

"Haven't gotten to it yet."

"Ah. Well, it looks like a Transmutation Circle from up here."

It really did; one large circle to contain the spell, two smaller ones in the inside, one dead center, the other offset a little, pentagram, strange symbols, the works. Rukia added a spiral around the pipe – which was in the center of the formation then stood up and dusted off her hands. Content with the circle, she carefully stepped out of it.

"If this book is accurate, there should be a second statue buried somewhere beneath the school." She pointed at the strange statue Nekozawa held then gestured for him to put it in the offset circle, which he did. "It's where all of this reiatsu is coming from. The best way to stop it is to bring the two statues together and destroy them at the same moment but I don't think I can do that."

She pointed at the circle. "_This_, however, _should_ bind the reiatsu and keep it from leaking out and causing more problems." She stepped into a triangle just outside the circle, each of its corners had circles containing smaller triangles inscribed over them. "Everyone stay back, there's no telling what this might do."

At Tamakis prompting, the Ouran students climbed to the far side of the junk pile, each staking out their hiding places. Kon shifted to a different portion of the roof, just in case.

Rukia sighed, relaxed as much as she dared and rose her hand, pouring just enough reiatsu into the circle to activate it. Chalk lines began to glow a faint blue.

"The fallen dragon twice scorned by black rose

hidden fire by winding vines

each one touches naught

six daggers of seven hands in time with the rising sun

two eagles cry out

golden bow split in twain by silver song and shattered sky

the red crow flies east

eight horses fall

no sound has followed the creek to its end

the rain brings sunlight

rabbits bring down the moon…"

The outermost circle began to shift to red.

* * *

When it came down to it the fight was good practice for coordinated attacks. Ichigo had known that shinigami oftentimes worked in teams but he'd never done it himself; either he took out the hollow, or Rukia did. Of course, part of that was because most of the hollows that appeared on a day to day basis were no real threat to either of them.

He blinked a couple of times as he realized that; back in the spring, he couldn't have said that. Had it really only been five months since he'd become a shinigami? His current train of thought was interrupted as he spotted an opening and darted in, flash stepping across the hollows flank, driving Zangetsu between its ribs. Blood sprayed out behind him almost in slow motion as the Hollow let out a strangled roar. This distraction have Renji an opening, allowing him to score a punishing blow to the hollows throat, nearly ripping it out, which in turn revealed another opening; which Ichigo gladly pounced on, slicing through the hollows opposite flank.

Yumi and Ikkaku swept in then, giving Ichigo and Renji a few moments to regroup before launching another feint or attack. They stood about three meters apart from another in mid air, watching the other shinigami for a short time, carefully waiting for their next opportunity to move.

"So just do it already." Yumi quipped, slashing his zanpakutou across the hollows shoulder. Ichigo scowled darkly as the wound healed quickly. Even the normally near-fatal wounds he and Renji had inflicted hadn't slowed it by much.

"NO!" Ikkaku snapped. "I can do it without it."

"Oh come on, you know you want to. I can see it in your eyes." Yumi laughed.

"Nah huh."

"Renji and Ichigo did it."

"Shaddup!"

"What the hell is he talking about?" Ichigo asked, pointing at Yumi.

Renji quirked a lopsided grin. "Nuthin'. Oh! Here we go!"

Ichigo jolted after him, casting Yumi and Ikkakus cryptic conversation aside as he brought Zangetsu up. If he was reading this right, and he was fairly certain he was; Yumi was gonna make a feint on the left, Ikkaku was going to drive in from behind, Renji was setting himself up to back up Ikkaku, and it looked like Ichigo was left to attempt the mask again.

Renji slid to a stop, eyes bugging out of his head. Ichigo yelped as the red-head grabbed him by the back of his gi and yanked him back. "Hold on a second."

Ichigo gave him a dumbfounded look, then he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He caught a glimpse of Yumi scrambling away from the hollow, hands over his ears, eyes squeezed shut.

It was the loudest crack of thunder he'd ever heard and the accompanying flash of lightning was beyond blinding. Ichigo yelped again and shook his head, covering his ears too late for the thunder but just in time for the screams of the hollow; winced as static crawled across his spikes, crackled between the folds of his clothes. "What the hell was that!?"

"Kamo!" Renji laughed, blinking rapidly, trying to focus. "Her zanpakutou's a duel elemental; air and water. She just hit the hollow with some lightning."

"Oh." Ichigo squinted at Renji then attempted to see what the hollow was doing. It was down! Everyone seemed to realize this at once. A split second later, four shinigami were racing in for the kill, a split second after that, four shinigami were flung back.

"Fuck!" Renji spat, rolling to his feet and glaring at the, apparently, temporarily stunned hollow. It was sizzling slightly, smoke curled from its still twitching flesh, but the mask was intact. It would recover in a few minutes most likely.

Ichigo growled his agreement and sat up, rubbing his head. A fifth shinigami stood off to the side, hands planted on her hips, inspecting the hollow. She hadn't joined in the group attack, apparently. Ichigo wondered if his vision was still off 'cause he could swear she had a tail – not a big tail, but a short one, kinda like a rabbit, or a chipmunk or something. Her hair color was odd too but that wasn't a major issue in the Gotei 13, apparently hair dye was readily available. He'd seen people with blueish, greenish hair before anyway.

"Now, _that_ was weird." She commented.

"Damnit Kamo! Why didn't you warn me!" Ikkaku yelped, climbing shakily to his feet and pointing his zanpakutou at the newcomer. Smoke was curling up out of his clothes.

When she half turned to look at him, Ichigo was sure his vision was screwed up, because she looked like she was a duck. But… they _were_ calling her "Kamo" which meant _wild duck_…

"Oh right, sorry man!" She laughed and brushed her bangs out of her eyes. "Forgot you can't feel the static build up without any hair on yer head."

"Is that a bald joke?" Ikkaku twitched.

"More or less."

Ikkaku glared, the duck-girl smirked.

"Now, now children," Yumi chided good naturally, smoothing his hair down. "No need to get into this now. We all know bald is beautiful!"

"Damn straight!"

"Heh, whatever." She chuckled then jerked a thumb at the hollow. "So what's up with ugly here? You guys shoulda been able to handle 'em. Hell, that shoulda split him in two."

"We're working on it." Renji grunted, sauntering over, "It's feeding off of some weird reiatsu, Rukia's trying to get it contained. Presumably once it looses access to the reiatsu we can kill it."

"Makes sense. So, we're basically just keeping it busy."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Goodie." She shifted her gaze to Ichigo, who was gaping openly at her. "Catching flies?"

Ichigo closed his mouth, shook his head and dared to move a little closer. "You're… you're a… a duck!?"

"No way!" She grabbed her beak in "shock". "I never would have noticed if you hadn't pointed it out just now!"

"I… ah… er… sorry…"

"It's fine." She laughed and waved him over. "Suzuki Akane."

"Kurosaki Ichigo."

"Ichi…" Akane blinked her large, amethyst eyes – it was her turn to gape. "_You're_ the punk kid who kicked Cap'ns ass!?"

"Uh… it was more of a draw…"

She whistled and stepped up to him, giving him a thorough inspection. "Huh. Somehow I thought you'd be taller."

Ichigo blinked, furrowed his brow and shifted back a half step. "I'm taller than you!"

"Yeah but, Kenpachi's freaking' huge!" She shook her head. "Well, nice to meet ya, anyway."

"Uh, yeah…" Ichigo was having a hard time believing he was talking to a duck. Granted, she was basically human in appearance if you ignored the feathers, the odd hair – was that even hair? – color, and the bright orange beak growing out of her face. Now that he thought about it, that made it all the more bizarre.

"Think I should zap this guy again or do you boys wanna try slicing him up some more?" Akane asked, inclining her head towards the hollow, which was starting to stir.

"I wanna fight 'em some more." Ikkaku grunted, crossing his arms over his chest.

Yumi shrugged. "I don't care either way really. This fight has gotten boring."

Meanwhile…

"Fifty men strike north

Jealous hawk steals dawns glory

Mountains crumble

Hills rise

Hells gates close on the reign of sand…"

Rukia narrowed her eyes, not daring to wipe the sweat from her brow and possibly break her concentration. This was the longest incantation she had ever dared attempt and, thus far, it seemed to be working. Each portion of the circle was glowing, shifting colors as the various spells were slowly activated and shifted into place. It was kind of like a lock; she'd already cut off the flow near its source, and had trapped more of it in various binding spells along the way, but there was still a lot of reiatsu being pulled out of the now limited well. She'd be content to let it be but there was no telling how long it would take to drain. Best to deal with it quickly.

She was nearing the end of the incantation. It was both a relief and a worry; she was sure the trap would hold, but she wasn't sure for how long. And, she knew, the best way to seal it would be to return it to the source. Luckily, she'd laid the foundations of _that_ spell down first thing.

The trick was timing it just right.

* * *

A/N: Hooray for nonsensical Kidou incantations! 


	9. Typhoon Blues

DISCLAIMER: _Bleach_ belongs to Kubo Tite, _Ouran High School Host Club_ belongs to Bisco Hatori. I like pie. My apologies to H.P. Lovecraft. ;)

* * *

**Chapter 9: Typhoon Blues**

The hollows reiatsu fluctuated suddenly, violently. Ichigo and Renji sat up from where they'd been sprawled in the grass, listening to the battle and watching clouds drift past overhead. Yumi started and half turned. Ikkaku and Akane (who had decided to experiment with the hollow whenever Ikkaku paused for a breather) exchanged glances.

Was this it? The reiatsu fluctuated again, not as violently this time but the hollow seemed to add a bit of urgency to its attacks. "It's loosing it's invincibility…" Ichigo murmured.

They were on their feet as the reiatsu fluctuated a third time. The shinigami gathered for a quick huddle as the hollow dropped to all fours and shook its head, scratched at the hole in its chest and let out a worried sounding whine.

"Hit it with everything we've got?" Renji asked.

"Aa." Ikkaku grunted.

"Sounds good to me." Ichigo agreed.

"Me too." Yumi chimed.

"Yeah." Akane nodded.

The hollow lunged towards them, jaws spread wide, an almost desperate cry escaping its fearsome maw. It's roar was overwhelmed a moment later as the combined blast of Ichigos _Getsuga Tenshou_ and Akanes _Lightning in a Bottle_ ripped deep gashes through one brawny shoulder. Either attack was lethal but the hollow managed to throw itself to the side at the last second. This however, put it in perfect ambush position for Renji, Yumi and Ikkaku.

Ichigo had never heard a hollow scream like that. He threw a glance at Akane, saw her twirl her blade in anticipation. He grinned and hefted Zangetsu, was about to move into shun-po then froze.

"Rukia!" He did ultimately flash step, just not towards the hollow.

Akane was surprised to find herself alone, poised in perfect attack position above the hollow. Ichigo should have been about four or five meters to her left. Shrugging, she brought her blade down. Blood splattered in a satisfying manor as Aozora sliced neatly through the side of the hollows neck, right where it met up with it shoulder, adding to the long, charred gashes they'd inflicted moments ago. Had this been a normal creature, she would have taken out a chunk of its collarbone. She was pleased to see that the wounds were not healing. "Now we're getting somewhere!"

The hollow whipped around and snapped at her but she was already out of reach. Sliding to a halt, she reoriented herself, almost absently took note of Yumi and Ikkakus location then started towards a new position to start another run.

"Where'd Ichigo go!?" Renji shouted as she darted past.

"Said something about Rukia!"

"Oh…" He threw a glance towards the far side of the school and furrowed his brow, an odd mix of concern and something Akane couldn't quite put her finger on gracing his features.

Akane took note of the reiatsu that was being funneled away from the hollow and wondered what in blazes the pint sized shinigami had done.

* * *

"Nine feathers let loose on the wind 

four return stained in blood

Bakudou # 85 Serpent Seal!"

Rukia changed her hand sign, felt the pressure build beneath her as the reiatsu swirled literally beneath her feet. Talk about cutting it close! She knelt, placed both hands on the glowing circle of chalk. "Bakudou # 53; Silent Vessel, stage one!"

Somewhere beneath the school, her first spell clicked into it's initial stage. Praying silently to any gods that might be listening, she changed hand signs again then placed her hands back on the circle. "Bakudou # 62 – Release!"

Reiatsu sometimes behaved like a gas, this was one of the first things they learned. Applying pressure to it like would bring about this behavior. Right now, the reiatsu was packed in tight. She'd just opened up her second spell – it was thoroughly blocked everywhere but back from whence it came. It should be pulled into the vacuum created by the Silent Vessel spell, which effectively used the reiatsu leaking out of that second statue to fuel it, make it stronger and leave an empty space around it.

Sensing a downward pull on the reiatsu, she began unlocking the other seals, starting at the bottom and moving up. As she reached the last one, she swallowed hard, drew Sode no Shirayuki, drove the tip of the blade into the very center of the manji directly in front of her…

"Four feathers

North

South

East

West

The sun sets

The sun rises

All return to center!

Bakudou # 89: Colorless Vortex! Bakudou #57; Release!"

Rukia clung to Sode no Shirayuki for dear life as the last lock was opened. That by itself would have drained most of the reiatsu out of the immediate area but did nothing for that which was outside the trap. The Vortex would take care of the rest of it, drawing it away from the hollow and into the trap. The only problem was that it would likely suck a lot of other stuff into it too. Like her.

Gritting her teeth, she drove her blade further into the ground and braced herself against it. Wind swirled around her, a mix of reiatsu and other odds and ends – anything that was light enough to blow away. She was vaguely aware of the others scrambling for deeper cover. Ultimately, that Menos had done them a favor; if it wasn't for the debris pile they wouldn't have had anywhere to hide. Then again, if the hollow hadn't taken out a part of the school, they would have been able to escape long ago.

Sode no Shirayuki slid foreword a handful of centimeters. Swearing, she dug her heels into the floor. She started to slide foreword, towards the center of the circle which was, at the moment, a dark whirlpool of ultra-condensed reiatsu. _Not good, not good not good! Damn that hollow! If I hadn't already been tired from fighting that stupid thing I would have had enough strength to set the trap and get out of range…_

She slid foreword again. Aged wood screeched as the blade began to warp so close to the vortex. _Shit!_ Rukia squeezed her eyes shut as her zanpakutou snapped free, as she lost her footing…

Suddenly, impossibly, there was a flare of surprisingly powerful reiatsu behind her, entirely different from the energy that was being pulled into the vortex but completely familiar. Strong arms wrapped around her waist, yanked her back with a funny sort of rough tenderness. She was very relieved to find herself sitting against Ichigo two meters away from the circle, out of the danger zone. She could feel his reiatsu being sucked into the vortex but it would be a while before it became dangerous for him, and she'd snap the trap shut long before that. She started to count backwards from fifty.

"Three… two… one… " She gathered up the last of her strength, pulled herself to her feet (Ichigo held her steady), pointed Sode no Shirayuki at the vortex to better focus her power.

"The spiral brings forth the maze

the serpent coils through the vines

all bells toll at midnight

and the four feathers come to rest!

Bakudou #58: Silent Vessel – stage two!"

There was a final burst of wind then everything grew impossibly still. Rukia felt her knees buckle, fell greatly back into Ichigos arms.

* * *

Back at the ruined hedge maze, the hollow let out a sudden, startled cry then lunged away from the quartet of shinigami. Although injured, it had strength enough to run. 

But it didn't get far.

* * *

Tamaki cracked and eye open as everything came to a stand still. For a few moments, he scarcely dared to breathe. He took note of the absolute silence and realized that the dark, twisted thing that had been causing an odd sort of buzzing in his head was gone. He _could_ feel the immense pressure hidden below him, however. 

Sensing that it was safe for the time being, he slowly opened his other eye. Mori stared stoically back at him from where he sat with his knees drawn up to his chest under a desk. Hunny hugged his bunny tightly and blinked his brown eyes open. Shifting his gaze to the side, The Host Club King quickly took a head count; spotted Karou and Hikaru tangled up in a pile of desks and chairs, Renge and Kon were hunkered down behind the remains of one of the other sinks; Haruhi was huddled next to the Black Magic Club, Kyoya a short ways behind her. He didn't see Nekozawa; it was as worrisome as it was a relieving. Carefully, he turned around and poked his head above the little fort made of a pair of desks and some ceiling tiles that he'd been hiding under.

Bereznoff was lying in the center of the circle. Tamaki felt his eyes start to tear up. A small gasp made its way around the room as the others took a look at the damage. But, before they could say anything, jump to any conclusions, a shadow skittered across the room, scooped up the cat puppet, then retreated to a far corner. It revealed itself to be Nekozawa. He clutched Bereznoff to his chest. The cat puppet looked quite disturbed.

Somewhat relieved (yet horrified), Tamaki shifted his gaze to the shinigami, felt a small smile tug at his lips. Ichigo was propped against the sink station directly across from the circle, Rukia sat between his legs, leaning on his chest. Rukia closed her eyes, heaved a sigh and let her head roll back to lie against his shoulder. Ichigo relaxed his grip on her and rested his chin on the top of her head. Tamaki felt a pang of guilt at interrupting their game earlier. _Wow, was that really today?_

"Awwwwww!"

Tamaki glanced up, surprised to see three new shinigami crouched overhead, grinning mischievously. One of them appeared to be a duck. He looked back just in time to see Ichigo raise a hand and casually give the newcomers the finger without looking up or even opening his eyes.

Tamaki wasn't really paying attention to that though, a pair of glowing, sliding doors had materialized as Ichigo had raised his hand. A shinigami followed a black butterfly out of the portal. The doors slid shut behind him and disappeared. He was much older in appearance, had long white hair and wore a white haori over his black gi.

"Ah, well put Kurosaki-kun!"

Rukia jolted, snapped her eyes open then scrambled to her feet. "Captain Ukitake!" She bowed, nearly falling over. Ichigo – who had stood as well and was blushing a bit – caught her.

"Think you over did it a little?"

She shot him a sharp look as he steadied her.

"Actually, I think he's right." Captain Ukitake knelt to inspect the circle. "This is some incredibly high level Kidou here, Rukia-san! No wonder you can barely stand! I'm amazed you were able to do it at all!"

"Oh… ah, thank you sir." Rukia stammered lightly elbowing Ichigo in the ribs and taking a wobbly step away from him. "I'm afraid it's only temporary though."

The white haired shinigami nodded, then spotted the funny wooden statue. He picked it up. "Well, well! Cthulhu, we meet again!"

"What?" Rukia blinked. "You know what that is?"

"Mmm. Pesky creature, Cthulhu. No matter how many of these things we collect and destroy, more always seem to pop up." He flipped it over then half turned to look at Nekozawa, who was still comforting Bereznoff. "You wouldn't happen to be of the Nekozawa clan would you?"

The brooding (yet cooing) shadow jolted. "Ah, yes! Nekozawa Umehito."

"Such a troublesome family." Captain Ukitake sighed. "I suspect you have more of these lying around, as well as a copy of the _Necronomicon_?"

"Er, yes…"

"I'm afraid I am going to have to confiscate those. Can't have you pulling a stunt like this again."

"I don't think I'll try it again." Nekozawa laughed nervously as Bereznoff shook his head vigorously.

Ukitake nodded then glanced up, the Shinigami lurking overhead came to attention. "Kamo-san! Would you please accompany Nekozawa-sama to his home and collect the items in question."

"Sir!" She jumped down, landed lightly in a crouch next to Nekozawa, drywall creaking beneath her red Converse All Stars.

"You're a duck!" Nekozawa gaped at her, Bereznoff looked downright flabbergasted.

"Thank you captain obvious!" Akane rolled her eyes.

"Milord, what's going on?" The twins hissed.

Tamaki glanced to the side, saw that everyone was watching, well, not watching per-se, but they knew _something_ was going on over there. "Oh! Ah, it seems Rukia-san has successfully contained the reiatsu…"

"You can see us?"

Tamaki met the kindly, curious eyes of the captain. "Uh… yeah."

"This is Souh Tamaki, Captain. I made sure Renji included him in his report."

"Oh yes!" He smiled. "You seem to have a knack for finding those with high spiritual powers, Rukia-san! How much of the situation are the others aware of?" He gestured to the curious, clueless faces of the Ouran students.

"A surprising amount." Ichigo grunted.

"Hmm. That will make clean up a little more difficult. Oh well." He waved the other shinigami down.

"You're not gonna erase their memories are you?" Ichigo stepped foreword.

Tamaki felt his eyes widen. _They can erase memories!?_

"I'm afraid we must. They cannot know what happened here."

"I hate to admit it but they actually helped out a lot." Ichigo argued. "Hell, you guys'd probably be dealing with a major disaster if Souh hadn't blundered into things."

"I did not blunder into things!" Tamaki scoffed. "As a Host it was my duty to invite a most honored guest to afternoon tea."

Ukitake blinked. "Host?"

Tamaki snapped his fingers dramatically. The Host Club slid behind him (minus Kon, who was wisely keeping out of sight). "We are the Ouran High School Host Club and it is our duty to bring happiness to the girls of this school!"

Akane snorted a laugh. It was the first and only time that Renji, Yumi and Ikkaku had _ever_ heard her quack.

"Holy shit, they let you have a _Host Club_ in _high school_?!" She giggled.

"Of course!" Tamaki beamed.

"Oooo! I like this place!" Yumi sparkled. "Is that your normal uniform or just cosplay? Oh my I'm going to have to visit here again! So many beautiful people!"

Tamaki grinned but made a mental note not to leave the flamboyant shinigami and Renge alone unsupervised.

"Why are they dressed as shinigami?" Ukitake gestured to Renge and Haruhi.

"Renge." Ichigo and Rukia said in unison. They exchanged amused glances.

"Renge-kun is a master of costumes. She felt it appropriate to honor our guests." Tamaki explained, gesturing to the brown haired girl.

"Are they talking about me?"

"He was commenting on your costumes."

"Oh!"

"But she can't see us?" Ukitake threw a curious glance at Ichigo and Rukia.

"Nope." Ichigo crossed his arms over his chest.

"How strange!" Ukitake cupped his chin in his hand then shrugged. "I'll discuss it with the clean up crew, I don't suppose anyone would believe them anyway, if they decided to say anything."

The captain clapped his hands together and moved around to the controlling triangle that Rukia had used. "Well! We'd better get started. Kamo-san, you'd best be off."

"Sir!" Akane saluted and grabbed Nekozawa by the cloak. "Now, where do you live?" They flickered and disappeared.

"Kurosaki-kun, would you please help Vice Captain Abari, Madarame-sama and Ayasegawa-sama evacuate the humans. Then take Rukia-san to get some food, I believe she's going to collapse any moment now. You do have a gigai here, Rukia-san? Oh good."

"Ah, sure." Ichigo gave the white haired shinigami an odd look then started making his way towards the Ouran students.

Tamaki blinked a couple of times, looked at Ichigo and Rukia, then shot the captain a funny look. The white haired shinigami winked at him. Tamaki quirked a grin. Somehow, he knew, he didn't need to worry about loosing his memory.

* * *

A/N: Almost done! O: 


	10. Ouran High School Ghost Club

DISCLAIMER: _Bleach_ belongs to Kubo Tite, _Ouran High School Host Club_ belongs to Bisco Hatori. I like pie.

* * *

**Epilogue: Ouran High School Ghost Club**

"… _firefighters and meteorologists were completely baffled as they inspected the wreckage of Ouran Academy this afternoon. Although nothing showed up on the radar, it seems a series of tornadoes hit the school at approximately 4:45 this afternoon. The most serious damage was done to the southeast wing; a portion of the roof and upper story was ripped away. The hedge maze was also demolished. It's a miracle no one was hurt. Naturally, Ouran Academy will be closed at least a week as the damage is fully assessed. Stay tuned to Channel 4 for the latest news concerning the Ouran Tornado…"_

Three weeks later…

A little girl - perhaps eight or nine years old - made her way up the long, sweeping staircase, her large, dark eyes scanning the faces of the high schoolers who passed by on either side of her in a ruffle of yellow skirts and baby blue blazers. Despite the fact that it was highly unusual to see a girl her age in this portion of the school, they paid her no mind. She soon found herself at the end of the north wing, outside the doors of the third music room.

Opening the door, she found herself in Soul Society. For one confused moment, she thought that she'd stumbled across several shinigami but a minute or so of observation proved otherwise. It was confusing, to say the least. Chewing her lip, she scratched at the scab on one knee and shuffled into the room, searching for one high schooler in particular.

The first boy she passed by was simply chatting with his guests, a pure white prop sword resting on the couch beside him. He glanced in her direction as she passed but didn't seem to notice her. It couldn't be him, then. She next passed a boy who looked no older than herself. He was in the middle of telling a wild story about hollows and cake as he drew bunnies; his much larger, much older looking companion sat stoically nearby, sipping tea.

A pair of boys – twins, sparred in an open space beyond them. As she watched, one of the boys whacked the other across the wrist with his prop sword. The 'injured' boy dropped to his knees, his twin brother was by his side in an instant.

"Karou!"

"Your bankai was too much for me, Hikaru."

"Karou…"

The girls watching them swooned as Hikaru lightly kissed the faint mark on Karous wrist.

The little girl didn't quite get what all of the fuss was about. She shook her head, and continued on her search. There was a girl in costume as well, she was following a white clad, dark haired, bespectacled boy, occasionally poking him with a prop sword that was taller than she was.

"Renge-kun, must you do that?" He sighed, swatting at her with his clipboard.

"It's my duty as a shinigami to annoy the lone Quincy!" She laughed.

They certainly weren't whom she was looking for. Growing dismayed, she wandered towards the back of the room, where sunlight streamed in through picture windows, casting an almost ethereal glow over the final black clad high schooler.

"Ah, but true love endears long after death…" A tall golden haired boy was saying. "I know in my heart of hearts that our souls would find one another throughout all of our lifetimes."

The girl he'd been speaking to practically melted out of her seat as her companions squealed excitedly.

"Excuse me…?"

The blonde boy blinked a couple of times and looked directly at the small girl who lingered hesitantly by the edge of the couch. There was a short, almost awkward pause, then his expression softened.

"Excuse me ladies, a little ghost needs to find her way home. A shinigamis work is never done." He rose smoothly from the couch, bowed low to his guests then gestured for her to follow; which she did.

"Are you a real shinigami?" She asked as he came to a stop by one of the more secluded windows, gently pushed it open.

"No, thank goodness." He chuckled, then knelt. "Is there anything I can help you with, little princess?"

"I was hoping you were a real shinigami." Her face fell.

"I may not be, but I happen to know some." He smiled and patted her on the top of the head. "Let me just give one of them a call, alright?"

She smiled and nodded. He reached into his gi and pulled out a cell phone, flipped it open.

If one had very sensitive hearing and high spirit pressure, one would be able to hear a phone ring from somewhere in the direction of Ourans clock tower. If one happened to be the owner of said phone, one was about to receive a rather interesting surprise.

**The End**

* * *

Notes of ze Author: 

It's over!!!!11101010!!!!one!!!!exclamationpoint!!!1!!!!1!!!!!!111!

9000.

Now that _that's_ out of my system, I'd like to thank everyone who read and reviewed, or just read, or took one look at the fic and ran away screaming at the very idea. YOU GUYS ROCK!

Whoa… capslockbleach is already having an effect… Anyway believe it or not, this was probably the easiest crossover I've ever written largely _because_ Bleach and Ouran are so different; I pretty much just plopped Ouran into the Bleachverse (and Bleach into the Ouran... I think it's really more a state of mind than a universe...) then let the characters run wild, with only minor modifications here and there to kick things off. Somehow, it didn't end up pure crack – I honestly don't know how that happened.

But there is crack… a lot more crack – (not to mention a few loose ends that couldn't be tied up in anything resembling a tidy manor) not enough to start a sequel but enough for an omake, if you will. So stay tuned kiddies; we'll be right back after these messages of DOOM from our sponsor!

This fic brought to you by Anubis Markets, a division of Osiris foods.

Food so good, you can eat it!

(Okay, if you can't catch the Freakazoid reference _this_ time… you need to watch more Freakazoid. HUGGBEES!)


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